Help! Adventurous Girlfriend Is Causing A Rift In Our Relationship.
Every day is a new adventure. How do I breathe?
Hiya Julie,
I'm a twenty-something guy in a relationship with a wonderful girl for three years. We met at the neighborhood dog park where I was walking my little Hiccup and she was with her Scooter. Anyway, zooming forward to the present, the problem we are having is a clash of personalities or maybe ideologies. I like to do the same kinds of things and go to the same places over and over. I frequent this little Vietnamese place down the road where I always get their Bahn Mi every time. She, however, doesn't like the same thing twice - always trying something new when we go out to eat. This led us to a point where she says things are getting a little boring or maybe I am a little boring, either way, the point is, her love of all things new and different is causing a rift between us.
I really love her and want to meet her at least halfway but I get nervous doing new things and feel stuck and don't know what to do. What would you suggest?
— ScaredyCat
Dear ScaredyCat,
Thank you for sharing your story on how you guys met. It's a lovely story. But like most (if not all) romantic relationships, in time, yours also comes with #expectations and #compromises similar to a good, healthy marriages. More and more you might begin to expect certain things from each other, and in #loving and #respecting one another, you must both learn to yield and sacrifice a little (sometimes a lot). It's a give-and-take game that takes work to master and time to mature. It may all sound very intimidating, but the outcome will be worth it (given she's the right girl). Here are a few tips on what you can do on your part to hopefully guide you on the right track.
What You Can Do
It's never too late to face your fear head on. Don't let fear stop you from creating memories with your favorite girl in the whole world! Let's say you are scared to go on a roller coaster, but what's the worst that could happen? Right now you might be thinking of the deadliest theme park disaster that took place in the past, but that's once in a century. More realistically speaking, you might throw up a bit, pee in your pants and whatnots, but then again, you might not. Either way, there would be laughter, scared laughter perhaps but still. When you look back next year and see what a special memory you've made together, now it isn't so scary now is it? Memories are what make you guys the couple that you are. Those moments you shared are yours to keep, unique to you guys. Others can't copy them, which makes them exceptionally #valuable and #magical. So next time when she asks you to try something new with her, whether it's a new food or a new experience, say yes without overthinking it (there's nothing sexier of a man to just say yes to whatever their lady asks for =)) The key is to focus on the moment being with her instead of your inner fear.
Take turns making plans. Like you said — meet her half way. Since it takes two to have a relationship, sometimes ensuring fairness to both parties could potentially prevent many arguments that would have otherwise happened. For example, if she likes to try a different restaurant every week, try suggesting to her, "how about we each take turns choosing where to eat?" On the condition that once a decision is made, no questions asked. It's important to create a "no judgment zone" between you guys, a zone that you are able to accept and get to know each other better based on your #differences without having to pick fights. A zone that gives you a bit of comfort so you are not like a constant nervous wreck who tags along, you too get to lead and let her understand you, even if you pick the same things to do all the time.
"Memories are what make you guys the couple that you are. Those moments you shared are yours to keep, unique to you guys."
Communicate your feelings to her. Given that your girlfriend wants to understand, explain to her the reasons you enjoy doing certain things over and over again. Perhaps it's comforting to you. Perhaps it's a strategy so as to not waste time stressing over where to go eat. It might seem obvious to her, in your head, after dating for 3 years, but it might not be. Some people need to hear it to get it. If she loves you, she will appreciate your being candid with her and learn to accept you just as you are at the end of the day. She might argue and attempt to pull you out of your #comfortzone. That might not be a bad idea but ask yourself — are you ready for that? You want to be comfortable in a relationship. You can't act macho all the time because she wants you to (that would be ridiculous). Everyone has #vulnerabilities and fear at one point or another in their lives, even the machoest of men, even she. Talk about them, tell her how you feel.
Finally, everybody weighs things. If after doing all of the above, she decides to disregard your feelings, chooses to ignore your trying your best for her, and eventually fails to find anymore #satisfaction in this seemingly "boring" relationship — maybe it's time for both of you to move on? Unless you really love her so much that you are willing to be someone else you are not just to stay with her, then, so be it. As long as you are happy playing your role, no one can tell you to quit, right?
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Julie Y. Barris
Founder | Chief Editor | Advice Guru of Moody Melon Magazine
I am an author, artist, entrepreneur, and a graphic designer with a unique vision to contribute to the world one idea at a time. Besides creating and inventing things, I’m also fascinated by the human mind. I enjoy helping others help themselves by giving them advice on family and relationship matters.
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