Building Strong Bonds: How Parenting in Childhood Shapes Trusting Relationships with Adult Children

Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
Apr 1
5 min read

Building trusting relationships with adult children requires ongoing communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to prioritize connection over conflict. By nurturing these bonds from a young age, parents can create a foundation that allows for deeper understanding and support throughout their children's adulthood.

Building Strong Bonds: How Parenting in Childhood Shapes Trusting Relationships with Adult Children

As adults, we often find ourselves reflecting on the relationships we have with our parents—whether they were supportive, strained, or filled with complexity. The reality is, the foundation for these relationships starts long before we reach adulthood. In fact, the way we nurture, communicate, and guide our children in their formative years plays a pivotal role in the nature of our relationship with them when they become adults.

It’s easy to assume that when our children grow up and become independent, the nature of the relationship changes, too. However, the truth is that the seeds of trust, communication, and connection are sown in childhood. Building a close, trusting relationship with your adult child doesn’t happen overnight, and it isn’t something that magically appears when they reach their twenties or thirties. It begins much earlier, when they’re still children.

The Importance of Trust in Childhood

At its core, trust is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. For parents and children, this trust is developed through consistent, open, and empathetic communication. From a young age, children begin to learn how much they can rely on their parents for both emotional and physical support. When parents are there to listen without judgment, provide guidance, and follow through on promises, children internalize these experiences as trust-building moments.

The little moments matter: when you respond calmly and supportively to your child’s fears, when you acknowledge their feelings, when you prioritize their needs over your own. These are the moments that tell children, "I can count on you," and they stay with them long after they’ve grown up.

Setting the Stage for Future Connection

The way you handle difficult conversations in your child’s youth can echo into their adult years. If you create an environment where open communication is valued, where feelings can be shared without fear of criticism, your adult child will feel more comfortable coming to you with their own struggles as they grow older.

It’s also important to remember that children learn by example. If they see you navigating challenges with resilience, honesty, and empathy, they will adopt these behaviors themselves. Modeling healthy emotional regulation, self-reflection, and respectful conflict resolution during their childhood helps set the stage for more meaningful and productive interactions in adulthood.

The Power of Empathy

Empathy is one of the most powerful tools in cultivating lasting trust. When parents take the time to understand their children’s perspectives—acknowledging their unique emotions, struggles, and experiences—they validate their children’s feelings. This validation builds a sense of security that encourages emotional openness.

In fact, research has shown that children who feel understood and supported by their parents are more likely to develop strong social and emotional skills, which will serve them well as they enter adulthood. A parent’s empathy in childhood makes a tremendous difference in how children perceive relationships later in life.

Choosing the Relationship Over "Who's Right"

One of the most powerful ways to maintain a close relationship with your child as they grow older is by prioritizing the relationship itself, rather than focusing on "who’s right" in disagreements. When parents take the stance of being “right” all the time, it creates an environment where children are more likely to shut down emotionally or resist open communication.

It’s natural to want to correct our children when they make mistakes, but the way we do so matters. Opting to approach situations with a spirit of collaboration, rather than a desire to win, helps to strengthen the bond. Sometimes, even when it feels like the stakes are high, choosing the relationship over being right fosters trust. It tells your child that you value them as a person—flaws and all—and that you’re not more concerned with being in control than with nurturing a healthy connection.

When your child feels that they are seen and heard, rather than just “corrected” or “taught a lesson,” they are more likely to continue coming to you for advice and emotional support as adults. In the long term, this approach ensures that the relationship remains strong, built on mutual respect and understanding.

Navigating the Transition to Adulthood

As your children enter adulthood, it’s essential to strike a balance between maintaining boundaries and continuing to offer emotional support. The adolescent years are often marked by a desire for independence, and as parents, it’s important to respect that while still remaining emotionally available. If you’ve laid the foundation of trust and understanding during their childhood, transitioning into an adult relationship can be smoother.

Adulthood brings with it new challenges for both parents and children. Your child may seek advice on relationships, career decisions, or life choices—moments that present opportunities to reinforce the trust you've built over the years. Remember, this relationship is not one-sided; it’s a dynamic process of mutual respect and communication.

The Key to Sustaining Close Relationships with Adult Children

While the transition from parent-child to an adult-adult relationship may feel like a natural evolution, it requires continued effort. Here are a few key points to keep in mind:

Respect their autonomy: Give your adult children the space to make their own decisions while offering guidance when needed. Trust that they have internalized the values you’ve taught them.
Continue to listen: Even as they grow older, don’t stop being an active listener. Whether they’re talking about their work, relationships, or personal challenges, your listening ear will strengthen your bond.
Offer support, not control: The days of guiding every aspect of your child’s life are over. Instead, offer unconditional support, even if it’s just a phone call to check in. Let them know you’re there without overstepping.
Celebrate their milestones: Whether it’s a career achievement, a marriage, or starting a family, celebrate their successes and show that you value their growth and independence.

Conclusion: The Long-Term Impact of Childhood Trust

The foundation for a strong, trusting relationship with your adult child is built through a series of intentional actions taken over the years. It’s about showing up emotionally, building empathy, and fostering open communication from the moment they’re born. As your child matures into adulthood, the trust you've developed will be the bedrock of your relationship, allowing both of you to navigate life’s challenges together.

So, how can you choose the relationship over being "right" in your interactions with your child today, knowing it will lay the groundwork for a stronger bond in their adulthood?