top of page

FOLLOW US

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Threads
  • LinkedIn

The Armor We Outgrow: Learning to Let Vulnerability In

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • 3 days ago

Learning to let vulnerability in isn’t about being weak—it’s about being brave enough to show up as your full self, even when it feels uncomfortable. The path to deeper connection begins with learning to let vulnerability in, gently replacing old armor with authentic presence.

The Armor We Outgrow: Learning to Let Vulnerability In

From a young age, many of us learn that vulnerability equals weakness. We’re taught to “be strong,” “hold it together,” and “never let them see you cry.” Whether through subtle cultural messages or direct experiences of being shamed or ignored when we opened up, we internalize the belief that showing our pain makes us less worthy, less capable, and less safe.


So we adapt. We toughen up. We smile through sadness. We perfect the art of small talk to avoid the heaviness of real talk. And we wonder why we feel so disconnected, even in rooms full of people.


But what if vulnerability isn’t weakness? What if it’s actually the bravest thing we can offer?


What Vulnerability Really Looks Like


Vulnerability isn’t just crying in front of someone or confessing deep secrets. It can look like asking for help, admitting “I don’t know,” or telling someone “That hurt me.” It’s choosing to speak even when your voice shakes, to stay in the moment even when everything inside you wants to run.


It’s also boundaries, honesty, and showing up authentically—even if that means risking rejection or judgment. Vulnerability is raw and courageous. It invites others to meet us in our truth. Without it, relationships become performance pieces, not real partnerships.



Why We Struggle With It


Many of us have very good reasons for struggling with vulnerability. Maybe we were punished or mocked for being emotional. Maybe we were raised in environments where survival depended on hiding pain. Or maybe we’ve been hurt when we dared to open up—and decided never again.



These defense mechanisms helped us cope, but over time, they can become armor that limits our growth. We start avoiding the very things that could lead to healing: hard conversations, emotional expression, intimacy.


The fear of being “too much” or “not enough” keeps us silent. But silence doesn’t protect—it isolates.


Practicing Vulnerability in Small, Brave Ways


You don’t have to rip off the armor all at once. Start gently. Vulnerability is a muscle—it strengthens with use. Here are a few ways to practice it:


  • Name your emotions aloud. Even something as simple as “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now” invites connection.


  • Start with safe people. Choose those who’ve earned your trust. Share something small and see how they respond.


  • Ask for what you need. Instead of waiting to be noticed, try saying, “I could really use a hug right now” or “Can we talk? I’m having a hard day.”


  • Let go of perfection. Show up messy. It’s okay if you don’t have the perfect words—honesty matters more than polish.


  • Use journaling as a warm-up. Write what you’re feeling before you try to speak it out loud. This helps clarify what’s going on inside.


Vulnerability Is a Two-Way Street


Being vulnerable invites others to do the same. When we lead with honesty, we create safer spaces for real connection. That doesn’t mean every person will meet you where you are—but the right ones will. And that’s how true relationships are built.


You may be surprised by the way people soften when they see the real you. Because underneath all our masks, we’re all just trying to be seen, loved, and understood.


Final Thought


Vulnerability won’t always feel safe—but neither does loneliness, disconnection, or the exhaustion of always pretending you’re okay. When we choose vulnerability, we choose growth, authenticity, and deeper bonds.


So ask yourself: What might open up in your life if you stopped hiding how you really feel?


 

More Related Articles:

The Power of Vulnerability: Unlocking Trust in Yourself and Others

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Mar 16

The power of vulnerability lies in its ability to foster deeper connections by allowing individuals to embrace their authentic selves, despite fears of rejection or judgment. By letting go of the need for perfection and showing up as we truly are, we unlock the potential for emotional healing and stronger relationships.

The Power of Vulnerability: Unlocking Trust in Yourself and Others

Trust is the foundation of every meaningful relationship. Whether it’s with a partner, friend, family member, or even colleagues, trust is the essential ingredient that allows us to feel safe, supported, and understood. But for many people, trust isn’t easy to come by. Past betrayals, disappointments, or deep-rooted insecurities can make it feel almost impossible to trust others—or even ourselves. This is where vulnerability comes in, a concept often misunderstood and avoided. But what if embracing vulnerability is the key to building deeper connections and healing from past hurts?


Understanding Trust Issues


Trust issues aren’t a sign of weakness—they are a reflection of past experiences and how they’ve shaped your beliefs and actions moving forward. For those who have experienced betrayal, rejection, or abandonment, the instinct to protect oneself from further harm can make it seem safer to shut others out. But as time goes on, these walls become harder to break down, often resulting in isolation and a persistent sense of disconnection. When you are always guarding yourself, how can you ever let anyone in?


Trust issues often manifest in different ways, from constant suspicion to fear of being vulnerable. The fear of being hurt again can make it difficult to open up and be truly seen by others. But here's the challenge: Vulnerability is not only the antidote to trust issues, but it's also the gateway to real emotional intimacy and healing.


The Role of Vulnerability in Healing


Vulnerability is not about oversharing or letting your guard down at the wrong time. Instead, it’s about embracing your imperfections and being honest about your feelings, needs, and fears. Being vulnerable allows you to communicate your true self to others and invites them to do the same. It’s this mutual openness that fosters trust.


But vulnerability is a process—one that requires self-compassion and patience. The first step in allowing yourself to be vulnerable is to develop a trusting relationship with yourself. This means acknowledging your fears, understanding where they stem from, and making space for self-acceptance. Only then can you begin to extend that trust to others.


Practical Ways to Encourage Vulnerability and Trust


  1. Start Small and Be Intentional: Trust doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing experience. Begin with small acts of vulnerability, like sharing a personal experience with a friend or admitting when you don’t know something. These small steps gradually build your emotional muscle and pave the way for deeper trust.


  2. Challenge Negative Beliefs About Vulnerability: Many people believe that being vulnerable makes them weak or susceptible to being hurt. Shift this narrative by understanding that vulnerability is actually a form of strength. It takes courage to be open, and embracing vulnerability can lead to authentic connections and healing.


  3. Practice Active Listening: To encourage trust in others, actively listen without judgment. Create a space where others feel safe to share, and you’ll find that the more you give in terms of emotional openness, the more others will give back.


  4. Set Healthy Boundaries: Vulnerability doesn’t mean sharing everything with everyone. Learn to set healthy boundaries and understand that it’s okay to protect yourself until you feel comfortable with someone. Gradually, as trust builds, your willingness to be vulnerable will grow.


  5. Embrace Imperfection: Trust is often rooted in the ability to accept imperfection—both in yourself and in others. When you stop expecting perfection, you allow yourself and those around you the freedom to make mistakes and still be worthy of love and connection.


  6. Seek Professional Support: If trust issues stem from past trauma or hurt, working with a therapist can help you process those experiences and develop healthier patterns of trust. Therapy can also help you understand why you struggle with vulnerability and teach you how to navigate your emotions in a safe and structured way.


Why Letting Yourself Be Vulnerable Is Worth It


Vulnerability is not a weakness; it’s a gateway to deeper emotional intimacy, self-awareness, and connection. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you open the door to healing past wounds, build more meaningful relationships, and gain a sense of personal empowerment. It's about giving yourself permission to feel, to experience, and to grow—not just in the safety of your own mind, but with others.


The more we trust ourselves to be vulnerable, the more we can trust others. And through that trust, we can cultivate relationships that are truly fulfilling.


The Eye-Opening Question:


What might happen in your life if you stopped fearing vulnerability and started embracing it as a powerful tool for deeper connection and healing?


 

More Related Articles:

As Good as It Gets: Melvin’s Path to Finding Peace Amidst Perfectionism

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Dec 3, 2024
As Good as It Gets: Melvin’s Path to Finding Peace Amidst Perfectionism

We’ve all heard the phrase "As good as it gets," usually said with a tone of resignation or acceptance. But for Melvin, a character from the beloved film As Good as It Gets, it’s not just a passive statement—it's a statement of transformation. Melvin’s journey through mental health challenges, particularly obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), shows us how even the most rigid, self-protective walls can crumble in the face of self-awareness, vulnerability, and love.


Melvin’s story offers an incredibly relatable and inspiring narrative about how we can find peace within ourselves, even if our world feels far from perfect. Let’s break down the mental health lessons in Melvin’s life and how they can help us on our own journeys.


Melvin’s Struggles: The Perils of Perfectionism


At the start of the film, Melvin is the epitome of a man trapped by his own mind. His compulsions—repetitive behaviors designed to alleviate his anxiety—dominate every aspect of his life. From washing his hands until they’re raw to obsessing over the perfect meal or carefully timed routine, Melvin is consumed by perfectionism and the need for control. His obsessive behavior isn’t just about cleanliness; it’s a coping mechanism for deeper emotional pain.


Melvin’s perfectionism isn’t just a personality trait; it’s an outward sign of his inner turmoil. He struggles to connect with others and live a truly fulfilling life. His mental health challenges, while making him deeply difficult to be around, are also a reflection of the immense isolation he feels inside. He craves connection, but his OCD keeps him at a distance from the world around him.


A Moment of Clarity: What Happens When We Let Go of Control?


For Melvin, the first real turning point comes when he’s forced to step outside of his comfort zone—interacting with his neighbor, Carol, and taking responsibility for his own behavior. Carol, a waitress and single mother, becomes an unlikely catalyst for his change. When she is hospitalized due to an injury, Melvin is forced to confront his own isolation and the fact that his obsessive need for control is holding him back from true human connection.


Melvin’s journey of healing begins when he realizes that love, kindness, and connection require vulnerability. As he forms a bond with Carol and begins to open up to her about his fears and struggles, he starts to let go of the need for perfection. Melvin starts to see that there is more to life than trying to control every aspect of his world. Real growth happens when we can accept that life is messy, imperfect, and unpredictable—and that’s okay.


The Healing Power of Human Connection


One of the most beautiful parts of Melvin’s journey is his relationship with Carol and how it helps him face his own flaws. Carol doesn’t expect him to change overnight, and she doesn’t demand that he be perfect. Instead, she shows him empathy and care, giving him the space to work through his issues in his own time. This, in turn, helps Melvin realize that he doesn’t have to do it alone.


Melvin’s relationship with Carol is the spark that ignites his inner transformation. It’s a reminder that healing and growth happen in relationships. As we interact with others, we begin to mirror their behaviors, learn new coping mechanisms, and unlearn old patterns of thinking. Relationships offer us the opportunity to grow, even when we feel stuck in our own mental health struggles.


Embracing Imperfection: The Key to Healing


Throughout As Good as It Gets, Melvin learns one of the most important life lessons: that we don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love and acceptance. His ultimate healing doesn’t come from achieving flawless behavior but from understanding his flaws and learning to live with them.


Melvin’s path to self-improvement is a testament to the idea that mental health recovery doesn’t happen by aiming for perfection. It’s about progress, acceptance, and finding peace in our own imperfection. As Melvin's story demonstrates, growth comes from the willingness to step outside of our rigid boundaries and embrace vulnerability, even when it feels scary.


Conclusion: Letting Go of the Need for Perfection


In the end, Melvin’s journey teaches us that peace doesn’t come from controlling every detail of our lives but from letting go of the need for perfection and learning to embrace who we are, flaws and all. Whether you struggle with OCD, anxiety, or any other mental health challenge, Melvin’s story is a powerful reminder that we can change, heal, and connect with others in meaningful ways.


So, the next time you find yourself caught in a cycle of self-doubt, perfectionism, or fear, remember Melvin’s journey: sometimes, it’s only when we stop trying to control everything that we can truly let go and experience life as it is.


Mental Health Takeaway:


If Melvin can transform his rigid world, so can you. Growth happens when we’re willing to embrace vulnerability, take small steps forward, and allow ourselves to be imperfect. Healing is not a destination—it’s a journey. And you are worth that journey.


 

More Related Articles:

bottom of page