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Living in the Gray: Jodie's Struggle with Loneliness and Borderline Personality Disorder

Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-TrainingJulie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
Feb 19

Note: This content is fictional and created with the intention to inspire, uplift, and support you on your mental health journey. If it feels discouraging, please feel free to disregard it—your well-being is always the priority.

Breaking Free: Mindy's Brave Journey from Eating Disorder to Empowerment

Loneliness is something we all experience from time to time, but for people like Jodie, it’s not just an occasional feeling. It’s a constant, overwhelming force. Jodie, a 28-year-old woman, has struggled with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) for most of her adult life, and at the core of her experience is a profound sense of isolation.


For those unfamiliar with BPD, it’s a mental health condition marked by intense emotional experiences, difficulty managing relationships, and a fluctuating sense of self. These symptoms often make it hard to form and maintain stable relationships, which leads to feelings of abandonment, rejection, and loneliness. Jodie’s story is a poignant reflection of these struggles.



A Cycle of Hope and Heartbreak


When Jodie first meets someone, she feels an intense sense of connection—like they’re the answer to her deepest longing for intimacy and affection. But as soon as she starts to grow close to them, her fears of abandonment start to surface. She becomes overwhelmed by the thought of being left behind, of being unimportant. This fear triggers a flood of emotions—rage, sadness, desperation. And while her new relationship may start off strong, her intense emotions often drive others away, leaving Jodie feeling more isolated than ever.


It’s not that Jodie doesn’t want love or companionship—on the contrary, it’s all she craves. It’s the constant push and pull of intense feelings that keeps her in a cycle of connection and disconnection. She might push someone away because she fears they’ll abandon her, or she might cling to them too tightly because she fears being alone. Either way, her relationships often don’t survive the intense emotional waves, reinforcing the loneliness she so desperately wants to avoid.



The Shadow of Emotional Instability


Jodie’s loneliness isn’t just about a lack of social connection—it’s also about emotional instability. People with BPD often have intense emotional reactions that can seem disproportionate to the situation. Jodie’s emotional world is like a rollercoaster: one moment, she might feel on top of the world, but the next, she could spiral into deep sadness or anger. This emotional volatility often makes it difficult for others to understand her needs, leading to miscommunication and misunderstandings, further driving a wedge between her and potential support systems.


Her loneliness is often compounded by the feeling that no one truly understands her. Jodie finds herself caught between the desire to reach out for help and the fear that she’ll be judged or rejected. Her emotions are so intense that she worries others won’t be able to handle them. This leaves her feeling stuck, unable to bridge the gap between her internal experience and the external world.


The Road to Healing


While Jodie’s story is heart-wrenching, it’s also one of resilience. With the right treatment and support, it’s possible to manage BPD and find meaningful connections. Therapy, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can help individuals with BPD develop skills to manage emotions, improve interpersonal relationships, and reduce the self-destructive behaviors that often accompany the disorder.


But healing is a slow process, and it takes time for people with BPD to learn how to trust themselves and others. For Jodie, it means gradually shifting from a place of fear and distrust to one of self-acceptance and openness. It also means learning that she doesn’t have to be perfect to deserve love or friendship—that imperfection is part of being human, and that vulnerability doesn’t always lead to rejection.


A Final Thought


Jodie’s story is just one example of how loneliness can take root in the lives of those with BPD. The journey from loneliness to connection isn’t easy, but it’s possible with the right help. As we continue to raise awareness about mental health, we must remember that the loneliness people experience—whether from BPD or another mental health condition—is not just an individual experience. It’s a collective issue, one that requires empathy, understanding, and support from all of us.


Are we willing to see the pain behind the loneliness, or will we continue to leave those who need us the most in the shadows?


 

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Healing in Numbers: What a DBT Group Counseling Session for Trauma Clients Looks Like

Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-TrainingJulie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
Jan 9

DBT group counseling provides trauma survivors with a supportive environment where they can learn valuable coping skills, such as emotional regulation and mindfulness, while connecting with others who share similar experiences. In these sessions, participants practice communication, boundary-setting, and emotional management techniques to foster healing and resilience.

Healing in Numbers: What a DBT Group Counseling Session for Trauma Clients Looks Like

Trauma can shape the way we experience the world, often leaving emotional scars that feel too deep to heal. For many people, the trauma they’ve endured can lead to a range of mental health issues—anxiety, depression, self-destructive behaviors, and intense emotional reactions. The road to healing is not a solitary one, and for trauma survivors, group counseling offers a unique blend of support, connection, and the learning of valuable skills. One of the most effective therapeutic modalities for trauma clients is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a therapy designed to help individuals navigate intense emotions, build healthier relationships, and develop coping strategies. But what does a DBT group counseling session look like when it's focused on trauma survivors?


1. Creating a Safe and Supportive Environment: DBT is rooted in the principle of radical acceptance—the idea that clients should accept themselves and their experiences without judgment. For trauma clients, this means creating a safe space where they can be vulnerable without fear of rejection or invalidation. The group facilitator sets the tone by emphasizing confidentiality, respect, and understanding. In a trauma-focused DBT group, trust is paramount.


The facilitator may begin by asking group members how they’re feeling that day, allowing space for everyone to check in. For trauma survivors, even the smallest triggers or stressors from the day may impact their emotions, so acknowledging how everyone feels sets the foundation for the session.


2. Focus on Emotional Regulation and Distress Tolerance: Trauma survivors often experience heightened emotional reactions that feel uncontrollable. DBT's core skills—emotional regulation and distress tolerance—are especially important for this group. In a session, the facilitator might introduce a skill such as the "TIP" skills (Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing) to help manage overwhelming emotions. The group would practice these techniques together, with the facilitator guiding them through the process step by step.


For trauma survivors, these skills are more than just tools—they represent a new way to interact with and manage emotions that once felt unbearable. Through repeated practice, group members can begin to see that they have the power to control their emotional responses, a key step in healing from trauma.


3. Validating and Sharing Experiences: One of the greatest benefits of DBT group counseling is the shared experience. For trauma survivors, isolation is often a major part of their journey—whether from shame, guilt, or fear of judgment. Being in a group of people who understand what it's like to struggle with similar emotional pain can be incredibly healing. DBT groups encourage validation—a key skill in trauma work. Facilitators may ask group members to share their personal experiences with emotions like anger, sadness, or fear, and the group will validate those feelings with empathy.


For example, if someone shares that they are feeling triggered by a memory of their trauma, the group might respond with a simple, "I hear you," or, "That sounds really tough." This validation helps trauma clients feel understood and seen, allowing them to process their emotions without judgment.


4. Focus on Mindfulness and Grounding: DBT is known for its emphasis on mindfulness—the practice of being present in the moment without judgment. For trauma clients, mindfulness can help them reconnect with their bodies and their emotions in a safe, non-reactive way. The facilitator might lead the group in a short mindfulness exercise to help clients stay grounded in the present moment.


For instance, the facilitator could guide participants through a body scan, where each person is encouraged to notice how their body feels, focusing on areas of tension or discomfort. This helps trauma survivors become more aware of their physical reactions, often providing insight into emotional triggers and learning to manage them in real-time.


5. Skill-Building for Relationships: Trauma can severely affect how individuals relate to others, sometimes leading to patterns of avoidance or hyper-vigilance. DBT helps trauma survivors develop healthier interpersonal skills by teaching them how to communicate more effectively, set boundaries, and trust others. In a group setting, members might role-play different interpersonal scenarios, practicing techniques like assertiveness, active listening, and effective boundary-setting. These skills are not just theoretical; they are tools that can be applied immediately in real-life situations.


6. The Healing Power of Group Support: Perhaps the most important aspect of DBT group counseling for trauma clients is the sense of community. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens when individuals come together to share their stories, support one another, and walk alongside each other in their healing journey. The group dynamic creates an environment of mutual support, where everyone feels both accountable and supported in their efforts to heal. The bonds that form in DBT groups can be incredibly powerful—providing members with a sense of belonging and understanding that they may have never experienced before.


Conclusion


A DBT group counseling session for trauma clients is more than just a therapeutic technique; it's a lifeline. It provides a safe space for survivors to work through the intense emotions that come with their experiences while offering the support of others who understand their struggles. DBT equips trauma survivors with the emotional regulation skills, mindfulness practices, and interpersonal strategies they need to move forward in their recovery. It allows them to feel seen, heard, and validated—and it helps them rebuild their sense of self and trust in others.


As we continue to evolve our understanding of trauma, we must ask ourselves: How can we create more spaces where trauma survivors can heal together, without feeling like they’re on this journey alone?


 

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When Rage Takes Over: How to Stop the Cycle of 'Nothing You Do is Right' in Relationships

Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-TrainingJulie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
Jan 3

In moments when rage takes over, remembering simple tools like deep breathing and taking a step back can help you stop the emotional flood and regain control before saying or doing something you'll regret.

When Rage Takes Over: How to Stop the Cycle of 'Nothing You Do is Right' in Relationships

Have you ever found yourself in a whirlwind of rage, watching your partner’s every move push you further into a state of frustration and anger? The feeling that no matter what they do, it's always wrong? It’s like your emotions are completely out of control, and yet, you're also fully aware that the situation doesn’t warrant the intensity of your response.


This is the feeling of borderline rage—a form of emotional dysregulation that can hijack your rational mind, especially in relationships. It’s not just frustration; it’s a complete loss of perspective where every action your partner takes feels like an attack. Suddenly, you’re in the midst of a storm that you didn’t even see coming.



What is Borderline Rage?


Borderline rage is often associated with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), but it can also occur in people who don’t have a BPD diagnosis. It’s an intense, overwhelming emotional reaction to a situation that feels unfair or out of control, and it’s commonly accompanied by feelings of betrayal, helplessness, or abandonment.


When borderline rage kicks in, it can feel like a switch flips in your brain, turning you from calm to volcanic in mere moments. And once the rage is sparked, it often results in destructive behaviors—whether it's snapping at your partner, lashing out verbally, or simply withdrawing into complete silence. The emotional volatility can leave both partners feeling helpless and confused.


But here's the catch: it's not always about your partner’s actions. Often, the emotions that fuel your rage are tied to past hurts or unresolved internal conflicts, making it difficult to pinpoint exactly why something as simple as your partner forgetting to take out the trash can trigger a complete meltdown.


Why Does It Happen?


The root of borderline rage can be complex and multifaceted.


  • Past Trauma: If you’ve experienced significant emotional trauma, particularly in childhood or past relationships, your brain might be more likely to overreact to perceived slights or failures. It’s a defense mechanism: you’re anticipating abandonment or rejection, and your emotions go into overdrive to protect you.


  • Fear of Abandonment: At its core, borderline rage often stems from a deep fear of abandonment. When your partner forgets something minor or says something that feels dismissive, your mind can amplify it into a catastrophic issue. It’s not just the act; it’s the fear that it means something bigger: they don’t care, they’re leaving, they don’t value you.


  • Emotional Dysregulation: This refers to difficulty managing and responding to emotional experiences in a way that is proportionate to the situation. For individuals who experience borderline rage, the emotional response doesn’t match the event.


How to Get Out of the "Nothing You Do is Right" Zone Fast


Now that we’ve discussed what borderline rage is and why it happens, let’s look at how you can snap out of the emotional whirlpool when it feels like your partner can’t do anything right. Here are strategies to regain control:



  1. Pause and Breathe: The first step to diffusing your anger is to recognize it. When you feel the rage starting to rise, give yourself permission to pause. Step away from the situation if you need to. Step outside, go into a different room, or take deep breaths to calm your nervous system. When your body feels the physiological signs of rage (clenched fists, racing heart), your rational mind shuts down. Breathing deeply and focusing on your inhale and exhale can help to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which calms you down.


  2. Identify Your Trigger, Not Just the Behavior: Ask yourself: What’s really bothering me here? Is it the forgotten trash or the fact that your partner is "always" forgetting things and that makes you feel undervalued? Dig deeper. It’s rarely about the thing they did. It’s more likely tied to something else you’ve experienced or an unmet emotional need. Awareness of the trigger can allow you to respond more consciously instead of reacting instinctively.


  3. Practice Self-Compassion: It's easy to get caught up in self-judgment after an emotional outburst, but this only intensifies the cycle of guilt and shame. Be kind to yourself in those moments. Acknowledge that your emotions are valid, but your reaction may not have been. It’s okay to feel angry—but it's also important to handle that anger in a healthier way. Forgive yourself for losing control, and give yourself permission to repair the situation.


  4. Shift Your Focus: When you’re in the middle of an argument, try shifting your focus from the behavior that upset you to what you need in that moment. Are you feeling neglected? Do you need reassurance? Focus on your emotional needs and express them directly. Instead of attacking your partner for being careless, say something like, “I feel invisible when the small things are forgotten, and I need more attention and care to feel loved.” This shifts the conversation from blame to understanding.


  5. Mindfulness Techniques: Mindfulness can help you to observe your thoughts without reacting to them. The next time you feel your mind spinning with anger, try labeling your thoughts. “Okay, I’m feeling angry now. Why am I angry? Is this about my partner, or is this about something inside me?” Taking a step back and observing your emotions without judgment can help you to break free from the cycle of anger.


  6. Use a "Cool-Down" Word: Have a word or phrase that you and your partner can use as a signal when you’re starting to spiral. For example, when you feel the rage creeping in, you could say, “I need a time-out,” or "This is not about you," and then take a brief moment to cool down. Having a pre-agreed signal with your partner will help prevent misunderstandings and allow you both to reset before things escalate.


  7. Seek Professional Support: If you find that borderline rage is affecting your relationships and daily life, it may be time to seek therapy. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is especially effective for managing intense emotions and developing healthier coping strategies. Therapy can provide you with the tools to regulate your emotions and prevent your anger from overtaking your relationships.


Conclusion


Borderline rage can feel uncontrollable, but the good news is that it can be managed. By taking a step back, identifying the true triggers, and practicing mindfulness, you can regain control before you get lost in the emotional whirlwind.


But here’s the real question: When the anger subsides and you have the chance to look at your partner, will you choose connection or conflict? What’s truly at the heart of the fight?


 

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