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  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Apr 4

With a few simple changes and a fresh perspective, you can turn your marriage 360 and reignite the passion that brought you together in the first place.

How to Turn Your Marriage 360: Rekindle the Spark with These Simple Steps

Marriage is one of life’s most beautiful journeys—but like any long road, it can sometimes get bumpy. Whether you’re facing communication breakdowns, emotional distance, or just the routine of everyday life, relationships can lose their spark. But here's the good news: With a little effort, patience, and a fresh perspective, you can reignite that connection and turn your marriage around—360 degrees.


The Key: Starting with a Clean Slate


When things start to feel stagnant or distant, it’s easy to build up resentment. Past mistakes, old arguments, or unmet expectations can create emotional baggage that weighs heavily on the relationship. The ultimate key to turning things around is simple but powerful: Start with a clean slate.


It might sound like a tall order, but wiping the slate clean doesn’t mean forgetting the past—it means choosing to let go of past grudges and focusing on the present. In any healthy relationship, both partners need to actively choose forgiveness and open themselves to new opportunities for growth.


Tip 1: Don’t Seek Perfection—Seek Growth


We often expect perfection from our partners, but the truth is, nobody is perfect—not even you. When you let go of unrealistic expectations, you free yourself and your partner from unnecessary pressure.


A marriage thrives when both partners can accept each other’s flaws and learn to grow together. Instead of seeing mistakes as failures, view them as opportunities to learn. If your spouse forgets an anniversary or messes up a household chore, don’t let it turn into a major issue. Instead, use it as an opportunity to communicate your needs and find a solution together. Small moments of imperfection are not signs of failure; they are simply part of the human experience.


Example: If your spouse tends to leave their clothes around the house, instead of getting upset, have a conversation about the small changes that would make you feel more respected. Perhaps you could come up with a shared system that works for both of you—like a designated basket or putting a reminder on the calendar for tidying up.


Tip 2: Communicate Openly and Honestly


Effective communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. Unfortunately, over time, couples can fall into patterns of passive-aggressive behavior, silent treatment, or avoidance. To rekindle the fire, make a conscious effort to communicate openly and honestly about your thoughts, feelings, and needs.


Example: After a busy workday, instead of ignoring each other or giving brief responses, make it a habit to share how you each feel emotionally. “I’m feeling a little stressed with work lately” or “I miss spending time with you” can open doors to meaningful conversations. These moments can help deepen your connection and keep the lines of communication open.


Tip 3: Prioritize Quality Time Together


Life gets busy, and it's easy for couples to drift apart as they juggle careers, kids, and other commitments. But making time for each other—away from distractions—is essential. Plan date nights, take spontaneous weekend trips, or even just have a quiet evening at home, free from screens and interruptions.


Example: Once a week, schedule a "technology-free" evening where you both cook dinner together, play a board game, or even take a walk. The goal isn’t to entertain, but to reconnect. The less time spent with distractions, the more meaningful your time together becomes.


Tip 4: Learn to Forgive and Let Go


Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools for healing any relationship. Holding onto grudges or revisiting past mistakes only prevents growth and damages the bond between partners. To truly turn your marriage around, it’s crucial to forgive—not just your spouse, but yourself, too.


Example: If your partner has made a mistake, instead of revisiting the issue repeatedly, acknowledge it, discuss how it made you feel, and then let it go. Let your partner know you’ve forgiven them. You can then shift the conversation to what’s next in your relationship, focusing on how you can move forward in a healthy, positive way.


Tip 5: Focus on Small Gestures of Love


Rekindling the spark in your marriage doesn’t require grand gestures or extravagant trips—it’s often the small things that make the biggest difference. A compliment, a surprise cup of coffee in the morning, a hand squeeze during a walk, or a simple “I love you” can go a long way in keeping the connection alive.


Example: Leave a sweet note in your partner’s bag or on the bathroom mirror. Or surprise them with their favorite snack after a long day. These little actions show that you’re thinking of them and care deeply, which reinforces the emotional bond.


Tip 6: Embrace Change as Part of the Journey


People change. Sometimes, that change is subtle, and other times, it’s more pronounced. Accepting that both you and your partner will evolve over time is essential to a long-lasting, thriving marriage. Instead of resisting change, embrace it. Support each other through the transformation, and be open to new ways of relating to one another.


Example: Maybe your partner recently got a new job, and the shift in their routine has altered your home dynamic. Rather than resisting this change, acknowledge it and have a conversation about how you can adjust together. Embrace the new growth, whether it's exploring new hobbies, supporting career shifts, or tackling challenges as a team.


The Bottom Line: Love Isn’t Perfection; It’s Progress


Marriage is not about creating a flawless relationship—it’s about progress, growth, and learning how to love more deeply through both the good times and the challenges. By letting go of the need for perfection, choosing forgiveness, and embracing the lessons that come with each obstacle, you create a healthier, more vibrant bond that can withstand the test of time.


So here’s the real question: What small change can you make today to rekindle the spark in your marriage and start the journey toward a deeper, more fulfilling connection?


 

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  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Mar 13

Many couples can learn to thrive in an incompatible marriage by embracing acceptance and focusing on their shared values. While incompatibility can create challenges, open communication and mutual respect can help partners grow and love each other more deeply despite their differences.

When Love Feels Like a Struggle: Can You Thrive in an Incompatible Marriage?

Marriage, ideally, is the union of two individuals who complement and enhance each other’s lives. But what happens when love doesn’t feel like enough? What if you and your partner are simply incompatible in fundamental ways? For some, this feeling can surface as early as the honeymoon phase, while others may realize the cracks years into their union. When differences seem to outweigh common ground, it can feel like love is a battle you’re not winning.


The Incompatibility Dilemma


Incompatibility in marriage doesn't always mean a lack of love or attraction. It can manifest in differing values, lifestyles, or even communication styles that create persistent tension. Whether it’s diverging views on finances, parenting styles, or future goals, these differences can lead to chronic friction. This is often compounded by the belief that a "good" marriage means perfect alignment, which can leave partners feeling frustrated or inadequate when things don’t fall into place.


But what if incompatibility isn’t a death sentence for love? What if, instead of trying to force change, you can learn to love more fully despite your differences?


Living and Loving Despite Incompatibility


Here’s the truth: no marriage is perfect, and no couple is 100% compatible. The key lies in how you handle the differences that arise. Here are some ways to not only live with your partner’s incompatibilities but to thrive alongside them:


  1. Embrace Acceptance over Change


    Often, we enter relationships with the hope of "fixing" our partners or trying to mold them into someone who fits our ideal. However, true love thrives on acceptance. Recognizing and embracing the aspects of your partner that you cannot change—whether it’s their quirks, habits, or differences in opinions—can create space for love to flourish.


  2. Open Communication is Key


    Effective communication is the backbone of any relationship. When you feel incompatible with your spouse, it’s easy to retreat into silence or frustration. Instead, try to communicate openly about your feelings and concerns. Have those tough conversations, listen to each other’s perspectives, and be willing to compromise when necessary. Respect and patience are your best tools for building understanding.


  3. Set Healthy Boundaries


    In an incompatible marriage, boundaries are essential for emotional well-being. Recognizing when to give space and when to come together ensures that both partners maintain their identity while fostering mutual respect. Healthy boundaries allow each person to feel valued and understood without feeling overwhelmed by the differences.


  4. Focus on the Things You Share


    Instead of fixating on your differences, look for the common ground you do share. Whether it’s a love for your children, shared experiences, or a similar sense of humor, these are the bonds that will keep you connected. Celebrating your shared moments can help remind you both why you’re together in the first place.


  5. Seek Support and Self-Care


    Sometimes, navigating incompatibility requires external support. Couples counseling or individual therapy can offer invaluable perspectives on how to improve the relationship. It’s also essential to nurture your own well-being—engage in activities that nourish your mind and spirit, and seek personal growth in areas outside of your marriage.


The Love You Deserve


The reality is, no one is going to be perfectly compatible with their partner in every way. Marriage isn’t about finding someone who ticks all the boxes. It’s about choosing to love despite the differences and making the conscious effort to grow together. Even in the face of incompatibility, love can still be a powerful force if you approach it with patience, understanding, and commitment.


Eye-Opening Question:


So, if incompatibility is inevitable in relationships, what does it really take to love someone fully despite their flaws, differences, and imperfections?


 

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