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When You're Doing It All Alone: Surviving the Mental Load of Solo Parenting

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Apr 19

Surviving solo parenting means learning to celebrate small wins, like getting through the day with everyone fed and safe. There’s no manual for this, but with patience, grit, and a little self-compassion, you can find strength you didn’t know you had.

When You're Doing It All Alone: Surviving the Mental Load of Solo Parenting

There are days when it feels like the walls are closing in. The toddler won’t nap, the kitchen is a disaster, the laundry has become its own ecosystem, and you haven’t sat down—let alone showered—in what feels like days. There’s no help coming. No partner walking through the door to tag in, no grandparent on call, no babysitter to offer relief. The house is loud, messy, and so very full of needs—but there’s no room left for you.


This is the unfiltered, unromantic side of parenting that rarely makes it into Instagram captions or parenting books: the deep, relentless isolation of doing it all alone.



How It Impacts Your Mental Health


When every ounce of your time is claimed by tiny hands, your mental health can quietly slip through the cracks. You stop noticing how tense your shoulders feel. You lose interest in things you once loved. Work becomes a guilt-ridden juggle (if you can even get to it), and the idea of fun? Laughable. There’s no room for play or peace when you’re constantly firefighting. Over time, this wears on even the strongest, most loving parents. Exhaustion becomes your baseline, and burnout begins to look like your new personality.


What If No One Is Coming to Help?


So how do you come back from this—when no one is coming to rescue you? The answer isn’t about finding a village. It's about becoming your own backup system. The first step is lowering the bar, without shame. Perfection is not the goal—preservation is. Ask yourself what truly matters today. Is it a spotless floor, or a moment of stillness with your child? Is it folding laundry, or taking five minutes to breathe? Give yourself permission to let some things go. Survival is success.



Build Tiny Systems That Serve You


Next, build in tiny rituals that serve you. They don’t have to be glamorous or time-consuming. Light a candle at the end of the day to mark the fact that you made it. Blast music while you clean just one corner of the house. Keep your favorite snack stashed out of reach of tiny fingers. Reclaim one small thing that belongs just to you. These micro-moments matter more than you think—they are acts of resistance against the overwhelm.


Mental Health Hacks You Can Actually Use


Mental wellness in solo parenting doesn't mean never feeling tired or frustrated. It means having tiny tools in your back pocket to ground you. Practice "box breathing" (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4) while your toddler screams. Write out a brain dump before bed to quiet the mental spiral. Keep a “peace basket” of toys that buys you 15 minutes to sit, breathe, or do something small for yourself. Your toolkit doesn’t have to be big—it just has to be yours.


Affirmations for the Days That Break You


When the noise gets too loud, come back to affirmations. Not the cheesy kind, but the kind that hold you steady:


  • “I’m not failing—this is just hard.”

  • “My child doesn’t need perfect, they need loved.”

  • “It’s okay to feel tired. It doesn’t mean I’m not strong.”

  • “I’m doing more than enough with what I have.”


Write them on sticky notes. Set them as phone reminders. Whisper them to yourself when the silence finally comes.


Coming Back Strong, One Moment at a Time


Coming back strong doesn’t mean leaping out of burnout in one dramatic moment. It means slowly, quietly rebuilding your energy one small win at a time. Let yourself celebrate what you did do today. The lunch you made. The tears you soothed. The meltdown you survived. The laugh you shared. These things matter. They count.


You may not have help. You may not have time. But you have something powerful: the ability to get back up, again and again. And that is nothing short of heroic.


A Question Worth Asking


What if the real mark of a strong parent isn’t how well they do it all—but how bravely they do it alone?


 

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The Power of Watching Your Children Play: A Simple Act That Can Heal Your Mind

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Apr 7

Watching your children play allows you to experience the pure joy of the present moment, free from the pressures of daily life. It’s a simple, yet powerful reminder that sometimes, the best way to refresh your mind is to simply observe their carefree world.

The Power of Watching Your Children Play: A Simple Act That Can Heal Your Mind

As parents, we often find ourselves caught in the whirlwind of daily life—working, planning, and constantly thinking ahead. We juggle responsibilities, manage to-do lists, and worry about what the future holds for ourselves and our children. In the midst of all the busyness, it’s easy to overlook the small moments of calm that can actually be profound for our mental well-being.


One of those moments? Watching your children play.


It might sound counterintuitive at first. After all, we live in a society that celebrates productivity. We often feel guilty about “wasting time” if we're not always on the go. But in reality, taking the time to watch your child play can offer you a chance to reset, recharge, and reconnect with the present moment.


The Calm of Simplicity


Children’s play, while full of imagination and boundless energy, is inherently simple. It’s not about achieving goals or completing tasks—it’s about experiencing joy and engaging with the world around them in a way that feels light and free. When you watch them play, you're invited to observe their unfiltered creativity and unburdened happiness.


It’s easy for adults to get caught up in the complex, often overwhelming nature of life, constantly planning for the future or revisiting the past. Watching your children immerse themselves in the present allows you to temporarily escape from that mental clutter. It reminds you that life doesn’t have to be full of complicated to-do lists to be meaningful—it’s about being here, now.


A Natural Mind Reset


When you're in the midst of your child’s play, you're naturally drawn to their rhythm. Whether it's building a fort, playing make-believe, or simply running around outside, you're invited to relax and observe. Your mind isn’t distracted by deadlines or worries. You’re simply watching them experience the world in a way that is carefree and light. This shift allows you to clear your head and put down the emotional weight you may carry from constant thinking and planning.


There’s something uniquely calming about watching children engage in activities that don’t demand anything from you. You’re not required to take action or solve any problems; you’re just a witness to their joy. This is often a rare opportunity in our adult lives when we don’t have to do anything except exist in the moment.


The Importance of Being Present


One of the most significant benefits of watching your child play is the invitation to be present. In today’s fast-paced world, we’re constantly thinking ahead—about what we need to do next, what we might be missing, or what could go wrong. But when we focus on the simplicity of a child’s game, we learn to tune out distractions and embrace the now.


By grounding yourself in the present, you create space for clarity and mindfulness. The worries about the future and the distractions from the past fade into the background, and you gain the mental space to process your emotions more calmly. It’s a small act, but it can have a profound impact on your mental health.


Quality Time for Both Parent and Child


There’s a special kind of bonding that occurs when you take time to sit with your child and watch them engage in their own world of play. You’re not only giving yourself a break from the mental stress of daily life, but you’re also fostering a deeper connection with your child. In a way, their play becomes a mirror for your own mindfulness. You learn to embrace the beauty of simplicity, of just “being” instead of “doing.”


It’s a moment where both parent and child can share in the peacefulness of the present, without the weight of responsibilities hanging overhead. You’re giving yourself permission to pause, which can be incredibly rejuvenating.


The Hidden Mental Health Benefits


While taking the time to watch your child may seem like a passive activity, it’s actually quite therapeutic. Research in mindfulness and mental health suggests that simple acts of observation—especially those that focus on the present—can reduce stress, lower anxiety, and help individuals feel more balanced emotionally. Watching your child play gives you a mental break, reducing the constant stream of overthinking that leads to burnout.


The act of watching also creates a mental shift from the overwhelming “what’s next?” to the calming “what’s now?” This can provide you with a sense of perspective and relief from the weight of future-oriented anxiety. The simplicity of your child’s enjoyment helps you reconnect with the present and see things from a fresh, clearer perspective.


Final Thoughts


So, the next time you find yourself watching your child play, remember—it’s not time wasted. It’s time well spent. It’s an opportunity to breathe, clear your mind, and simply be. In a world that often encourages us to do more, the simple act of observing and being present with your child can have remarkable benefits for your mental health.


After all, in a time when everything feels so rushed, isn’t it nice to be reminded that the best moments are often the simplest?


Question to Reflect On: How often do you allow yourself to simply be present and take in the joy of the moment—especially through the eyes of your child? How can you use these moments to give your mind the break it deserves?


 

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Healing Through Motherhood: Jennifer’s Journey to Overcoming Childhood Trauma

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Mar 23

Note: This content is fictional and created with the intention to inspire, uplift, and support you on your mental health journey. If it feels discouraging, please feel free to disregard it—your well-being is always the priority.

Healing Through Motherhood: Jennifer’s Journey to Overcoming Childhood Trauma

Becoming a mother is often seen as a beautiful, transformative experience—one that brings joy, love, and new beginnings. For Jennifer, however, it became an unexpected path to healing, one that she never anticipated would help her recover from the trauma of her past. Her journey to motherhood was marked not only by the usual challenges of first-time parenting but also by the deep emotional work of confronting and overcoming childhood wounds that had shaped her identity.


Jennifer's childhood was far from ideal. Growing up in a home marked by emotional neglect and inconsistent affection, she often felt invisible and unimportant. Simple acts of affection, like being hugged or praised, were rare, and as a result, Jennifer grew up believing she wasn’t worthy of love or care. These feelings followed her well into adulthood, affecting her relationships and self-esteem. For example, she would often question her partner's love or push people away when they showed affection, afraid to be hurt. For years, Jennifer avoided confronting her past, pushing the pain down as best as she could. However, when she became pregnant with her first child, something shifted. The promise of new life, of nurturing and protecting a child, brought up buried emotions and forced Jennifer to face the shadows of her childhood.


Facing Her Fears: The Struggle to Heal


As Jennifer navigated the early stages of motherhood, she found herself in a battle between the love she felt for her child and the overwhelming fear that she might unknowingly pass on the same emotional scars that haunted her. One night, as she rocked her newborn daughter to sleep, Jennifer realized she was repeating patterns from her own childhood—becoming overly anxious about her baby’s safety, hovering too closely, and finding it hard to trust others to help. But instead of pushing those feelings aside, she leaned into them. She sought therapy, joined support groups for new mothers, and began to understand how her unresolved trauma was influencing her parenting. She realized that when her baby cried, she felt her own emotional wounds reopen—her fears of abandonment, of being unloved, resurfaced. With each therapy session, she started to work through these triggers, and slowly, she learned to offer her baby the love and attention she had longed for in her own childhood.


With each milestone her baby hit—first smile, first laugh, first steps—Jennifer began to heal. She took time each day to hold her child and remind herself that she was capable of providing unconditional love. In nurturing her child, she learned how to nurture herself. Jennifer started to create small rituals with her daughter, like reading bedtime stories or holding her in her arms without judgment, allowing her to connect to the nurturing energy she never received as a child. These seemingly simple acts helped her rewrite her story and see that healing could take place in the most unexpected of places.


Intentional Communication: Teaching Unconditional Love


One of the most profound steps Jennifer took on her healing journey was intentionally communicating with her daughter in a way that countered the emotional neglect she had experienced growing up. She made a conscious effort to remind her daughter, even in the midst of frustration or chaos, that her love was unwavering.


When her baby made a mess in the house, Jennifer would lovingly say, "I love you no matter what you do. It's okay to make a mess, it's okay to be imperfect, you are always loved."


When her daughter refused to sleep, Jennifer would whisper, "I love you even if you're tired and cranky, and I love you whether or not you want to go to sleep. You are my world, always."


This constant, unconditional affirmation became a cornerstone of Jennifer’s parenting. She would repeat these words during moments of challenge—when her daughter was picky about what to eat, when the house was chaotic with toys scattered everywhere, or when sleep was elusive. Jennifer knew these small but powerful statements would plant seeds of emotional security in her child. In doing so, Jennifer not only offered the love she had always craved but also broke the cycle of emotional neglect, showing her daughter that love is not dependent on behavior or meeting expectations. It is constant, unconditional, and ever-present.


The Healing Power of Motherhood


Jennifer’s journey is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the healing power of love. She is now able to hold space for her trauma while also celebrating the joy of motherhood. Through her vulnerability and willingness to face her painful history, Jennifer has come to understand that healing is not linear—it’s messy, complicated, and often unexpected. One small moment, like her daughter looking into her eyes and reaching for her hand, reminded Jennifer that she could provide the love she never received. She now understands that recovery is possible with patience, self-compassion, and the courage to break old cycles.


An Eye-Opening Question


Have you ever wondered if your journey toward healing might be intertwined with a life-changing event like parenthood? Could becoming a mother help you break free from your past and rewrite your future?


 

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