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  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Dec 1, 2024

Learning how to release negative emotions is a powerful skill that can improve both your mental and physical well-being. By practicing techniques like mindfulness, deep breathing, and emotional expression, you can let go of negativity more quickly and regain your inner peace.

The Art of Letting Go: How to Release Negative Emotions Faster and Regain Your Calm

We’ve all been there—stuck in the cycle of anger, sadness, or anxiety, replaying the same negative emotions over and over in our heads. Whether it's a frustrating interaction at work, a disagreement with a loved one, or just the weight of daily stress, holding on to negative emotions can feel exhausting and all-consuming. But here's the good news: You don't have to stay stuck in these emotions forever. With practice and the right strategies, you can learn to let go of negative emotions more quickly and regain your emotional balance.


Why Is Letting Go So Hard?


As adults, many of us have spent years (or even decades) learning how to manage and suppress our emotions. In childhood, we might have been taught to “toughen up” or “not cry,” and as we grow older, the ways we handle our emotions can become even more ingrained. We’re often expected to have our emotions in check, to be rational, and to avoid displaying anything too vulnerable. This can lead to an unhealthy relationship with our feelings—either repressing them until they explode or avoiding them altogether.


But emotional regulation—the ability to manage and change intense emotions—is a skill, not something we’re born with. And like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and improved. So, if you’re struggling to let go of negative emotions quickly, don’t worry. It’s not an inherent flaw; it’s simply a habit that can be changed.


The Science of Emotional Release


Emotions are powerful signals, giving us important information about our needs and boundaries. But when we get caught in emotional overdrive, they can overwhelm our capacity for reason and make us act impulsively. Emotional regulation helps us step back, acknowledge the emotion without judgment, and choose a healthier response. It’s the process of letting the emotion pass through us, without letting it control us.


Studies show that emotional release can be quick once we learn to stop holding onto emotions unnecessarily. One study published in Psychological Science found that people who consciously acknowledged their feelings—rather than suppressing or avoiding them—were able to move through emotions faster. The trick is to lean into the experience, understand it, and then make an intentional choice to release it.


Practical Tips to Let Go of Negative Emotions Faster


1. Pause and Breathe


When you feel a negative emotion rising, the first step is to stop. Take a pause, even if it's just for a few seconds. Deep breathing is one of the simplest and most effective ways to calm your nervous system. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for four. This technique activates your parasympathetic nervous system, helping to reduce the intensity of your emotions.


Example: After an argument with a coworker, you feel your blood pressure rising and your heart racing. Instead of continuing the internal dialogue of anger, pause, close your eyes for a moment, and breathe deeply. This can instantly lower your emotional reactivity and give you space to think.


2. Name the Emotion


Sometimes we get stuck in negative emotions because we don't understand what we’re feeling. Labeling your emotions can help you detach from them. Simply saying to yourself, "I’m feeling frustrated" or "I feel sad right now" creates distance between you and the emotion, which reduces its power over you.


Example: You’re feeling frustrated because things aren’t going as planned at work. Instead of letting frustration take over, acknowledge it by saying, “I’m feeling frustrated right now.” By naming the emotion, you separate yourself from it, which helps you let go of it quicker.


3. Express It (But in a Healthy Way)


Sometimes, emotions need to be expressed. Suppressing them only leads to them building up and resurfacing later, often in unhealthy ways. Whether it’s journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or physically moving your body (like a walk or a workout), expressing the emotion helps you release it.


Example: After a stressful family gathering, you feel drained and upset. Instead of internalizing those feelings, write them down in a journal or call a friend to talk through what happened. Once you express it, it loses its grip on you.


4. Shift Your Focus


Our brains naturally tend to focus on negative emotions. To let go of them, we need to consciously shift our attention. Engage in something that brings you joy or calm—whether it's reading, listening to music, or practicing a hobby. Focusing on something that brings you peace can help reset your emotional state.


Example: After a difficult day, you’re feeling overwhelmed. Instead of dwelling on the stress, put on your favorite music or read a chapter of a book. By redirecting your focus, you give your brain a break from the intensity of negative emotions.


5. Practice Self-Compassion


Often, we struggle to let go of emotions because we feel guilty for having them. Self-criticism only intensifies negative feelings, so practice treating yourself with kindness and understanding. Remind yourself that it's okay to feel what you're feeling and that emotions are temporary.


Example: You made a mistake in a meeting and now feel embarrassed. Instead of criticizing yourself, tell yourself, “It’s okay to feel embarrassed. I’m human, and everyone makes mistakes.” By showing yourself compassion, you can move through the emotion more quickly.


Relearning Emotion Regulation as an Adult


As adults, it can be challenging to relearn how to regulate our emotions. It requires patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to try new strategies. The key is to start small and build up your emotional resilience over time. Begin by incorporating some of these techniques into your daily life and be gentle with yourself when you don’t get it perfect. The more you practice, the quicker and easier it will become to let go of negative emotions.


Remember, emotions aren’t something to fear or suppress—they’re signals that can guide you toward a deeper understanding of yourself. By learning how to release them in a healthy, intentional way, you can create more space for peace, joy, and emotional freedom in your life.


Final Thoughts: It’s Possible to Let Go—You Just Have to Practice


The journey of letting go of negative emotions is ongoing, and it’s important to remember that growth doesn’t happen overnight. It takes consistent practice and a willingness to be mindful and compassionate toward yourself. While it’s normal to experience difficult emotions, you now have the tools to navigate them with greater ease and release them when the time comes. So, the next time you feel a negative emotion building, take a breath, acknowledge it, and let it go—knowing that with every practice, you’re mastering the art of emotional freedom.


 

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  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Nov 22, 2024

Calming down after a tough argument requires taking a step back to reflect and regain emotional control. By practicing deep breathing and empathy, you can reset your emotions and approach the situation with a clearer, more compassionate mindset.

How to Calm Down After an Awful Argument with Someone You Love (Without Stewing for Hours)

We’ve all been there: a heated argument with someone you love, words exchanged that you didn’t mean, emotions running high, and the lingering tension that just won’t seem to dissipate. Whether it’s with a partner, a family member, or a close friend, the aftermath of an argument can leave us feeling emotionally drained, frustrated, or even regretful. But here’s the thing—learning how to cool off and regain composure after an intense argument is key to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.


If you’re someone who struggles to "cool off" after an emotional exchange, you're not alone. Some people have a harder time than others with letting go of negative emotions, especially when the argument involves someone they care about deeply. So how do you bring your temperature back to a more manageable level when you’re emotionally overheated?


Let’s explore some practical strategies to help you de-escalate, re-center, and move forward in a way that leads to growth, connection, and better emotional health.


1. Recognize the Heat: Take a Pause


When emotions are running high, the first step is to acknowledge that you’re heated. It sounds simple, but in the moment of an argument, we’re often so caught up in the emotion that we don’t even realize how much we’re escalating the situation. Taking a moment to recognize that you're angry, upset, or overwhelmed can be a powerful tool for self-regulation. It’s okay to admit it: “I’m upset right now and I need a moment.”


The key is to pause. If you can, excuse yourself from the conversation, even briefly. Take a walk around the block, step into a different room, or find a quiet space. This break gives both your mind and body the chance to reset before things spiral out of control.


Why it works: When we’re in a heightened emotional state, the brain’s "fight or flight" response is triggered, and our logical thinking (located in the prefrontal cortex) takes a back seat. A brief break allows the body’s stress response to settle, so you can return to the conversation with more clarity and self-control.


2. Breathe Through the Storm: Deep Breathing


When we’re angry or upset, our breath often becomes shallow and quick, which only fuels our anxiety and irritability. Breathing deeply and slowly can help reverse this physical reaction and activate your body’s relaxation response, bringing down your emotional temperature.


Try this:

  • Inhale deeply for a count of 4.

  • Hold for 4 counts.

  • Exhale slowly for 6 counts.


Repeat this process for several minutes. Focus on the rhythm of your breath and let go of any racing thoughts. You’ll find that even just a few minutes of focused breathing can reduce your emotional intensity and help you think more clearly.


Why it works: Deep breathing slows your heart rate and calms your nervous system, helping to lower stress hormones like cortisol. This physical relaxation can make it easier to step back from the argument and approach the situation with a more grounded perspective.


3. Give Yourself Permission to Feel


Sometimes, we try to suppress our feelings in the heat of the moment because we fear appearing weak or overly emotional. However, ignoring your emotions can lead to them building up, intensifying over time, and making it even harder to calm down.


Instead of bottling up your feelings, allow yourself to feel them without judgment. Acknowledge the hurt, frustration, or anger you’re experiencing, and remind yourself that it’s okay to feel upset. You are human, and emotions are a natural response to conflict.


You don’t need to “fix” how you feel immediately—just give yourself the space to experience it without guilt or shame. Emotions are temporary, and the more you allow yourself to process them, the easier it will be to let go of them when you’re ready.


Why it works: When you accept and allow yourself to feel, you take away some of the power these emotions have over you. The more you suppress, the more these feelings build and spill over later. By acknowledging them, you're practicing emotional intelligence, which helps to ease emotional intensity and prevent emotional escalation.


4. Put Yourself in Their Shoes: Practice Empathy


If you’re finding it hard to cool off after an argument, it’s easy to get stuck in your own perspective. However, taking a moment to practice empathy can be a game-changer. Try to see things from the other person’s point of view. What might they have been feeling during the argument? What’s the underlying need or fear driving their words or behavior?


This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but just recognizing that their feelings and experiences are valid can help you soften your emotional charge and create space for reconciliation.


Why it works: Empathy helps shift the focus from winning the argument to understanding the other person’s emotional world. This can reduce defensiveness and foster a sense of connection, making it easier to calm down and find common ground.


5. Reflect and Reframe: Seek Clarity, Not Blame


After the argument, instead of replaying the entire interaction in your head with a focus on who said what and who was wrong, try to reframe the situation. Ask yourself questions like:


  • What was the root of the conflict?

  • What triggered my emotional response?

  • How could I have responded differently to express my feelings more effectively?


Why it works:This reflection helps you gain insight into your emotional triggers and identify patterns in your communication style. Understanding these dynamics allows you to approach future conflicts in a more mindful, constructive way, preventing similar blow-ups.


6. Apologize, If Needed: Healing Through Vulnerability


If you’ve had time to cool down and reflect, it may be time to offer an apology—especially if you realize that you overreacted or said something hurtful. Apologizing isn’t about admitting defeat; it’s about taking responsibility for your part in the conflict and showing vulnerability.


A simple, heartfelt apology like, “I’m sorry for how I reacted earlier. I was upset, and I should have communicated better,” can go a long way in healing the tension and demonstrating your commitment to a healthy relationship.


Why it works: Apologizing acknowledges the other person’s feelings, shows emotional maturity, and helps rebuild trust. It’s a step toward healing, and it encourages open, honest communication.


7. Give It Time: Patience Is Key


Sometimes, the best thing you can do to calm down after an argument is simply give it time. Emotions need space to settle, and not every issue can or should be resolved in one heated moment. Allow both yourself and the other person the grace of time to process and cool off before revisiting the conversation.


Why it works: Time allows for emotional recalibration, which means that when you return to the conversation, you’ll be better equipped to engage thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.


Conclusion: Moving Forward with Calm and Connection


Arguments are a natural part of any close relationship, but how you respond afterward can determine the long-term health of the connection. By incorporating these strategies into your emotional toolkit, you can navigate conflict with greater calm, clarity, and compassion—both for yourself and for those you love.


Remember, cooling down isn’t about ignoring or suppressing your feelings; it’s about giving yourself the time, space, and tools to respond from a place of emotional balance rather than reactive heat. When you master the art of cooling off, you’ll find that you can not only weather the storms of conflict more gracefully but also build stronger, more resilient relationships.


 

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  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Sep 23, 2024
Jack Torrance: The Haunting Descent into Madness in "The Shining"

In Stephen King's The Shining, Jack Torrance serves as a chilling embodiment of the fragile line between sanity and madness. As a struggling writer and recovering alcoholic, Jack's journey to the Overlook Hotel spirals into a nightmarish descent that captivates and terrifies readers. Through Jack’s character, we can explore themes of isolation, addiction, and the complexities of mental health, offering insight into the factors that drive someone toward the brink.


The Struggle with Addiction


At the novel's onset, Jack is introduced as a man grappling with his past mistakes, particularly his struggles with alcoholism. His dependence on alcohol is not just a personal failing; it’s a hereditary burden, with echoes of his father’s own struggles. This cycle of addiction highlights a critical aspect of mental health: the intertwining of genetic predisposition and environmental factors.


Jack's initial resolve to stay sober is a testament to his desire for change, yet the pressures he faces—both from his family and the isolating atmosphere of the Overlook—soon begin to chip away at his resolve. The hotel itself acts as a character in its own right, amplifying Jack's inner turmoil and feeding on his vulnerabilities.


Isolation and Its Effects


As Jack, his wife Wendy, and their son Danny settle into the desolate Overlook Hotel for the winter, the oppressive isolation begins to take its toll. For Jack, the isolation is both a physical and psychological prison. It exacerbates his insecurities and ignites his darker impulses, transforming the hotel into a catalyst for his unraveling mind.


Isolation is a powerful theme in mental health discussions; it can intensify feelings of loneliness, despair, and paranoia. Jack's experience serves as a stark reminder of how solitude can exacerbate existing mental health challenges, leading to a spiral of negative thoughts and behaviors.


The Influence of the Overlook


The supernatural elements of the Overlook Hotel play a pivotal role in Jack's descent into madness. The malevolent presence within the hotel seems to exploit his weaknesses, whispering temptations that tug at his sanity. As Jack becomes increasingly obsessed with the hotel's history and his own writing, he slips deeper into delusion.


This phenomenon highlights the impact of external influences on mental health. Just as Jack is influenced by the hotel, many individuals face pressures from their environment—whether through toxic relationships, societal expectations, or traumatic experiences—that can push them toward darker paths.


The Descent into Madness


Jack’s transformation from a flawed yet sympathetic character to a terrifying figure is marked by escalating violence and paranoia. His relationships with Wendy and Danny fracture under the weight of his obsession and madness, illustrating how mental health issues can ripple outward, affecting loved ones and creating a cycle of pain.


The novel’s portrayal of Jack’s violent outbursts serves as a cautionary tale about untreated mental illness. It raises critical questions about accountability and the necessity of seeking help before reaching a breaking point.


Conclusion: A Cautionary Tale


Jack Torrance's journey in The Shining serves as a haunting exploration of mental health, addiction, and the fragility of the human mind. His character invites readers to reflect on the complexities of mental illness and the often-overlooked factors that contribute to one’s unraveling.


Through Jack's story, we are reminded of the importance of addressing mental health challenges with compassion and understanding. While The Shining is a work of horror, it also serves as a mirror, reflecting the very real struggles faced by those battling inner demons. By engaging with these themes, we can foster a deeper awareness of mental health issues and the critical need for support and understanding in our communities.


 

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