- Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
- Apr 12
We’ve been taught to silence our feelings for the sake of connection—but what if real connection starts with letting them speak?

Most of us didn’t grow up in environments that welcomed full emotional expression. Whether it was being told “You’re too sensitive,” or being praised for being “low-maintenance,” we quickly learned which emotions were “acceptable” and which ones we should tuck away.
The message, though rarely said out loud, was clear: if you want to be loved, be pleasant. Be agreeable. Be calm. Smile through it.
This emotional filtering doesn't disappear in adulthood. In our romantic partnerships, friendships, and even family dynamics, many of us continue to suppress sadness, minimize anger, and soften our truth so we don't seem “too much.”
But here's the paradox: the very thing we do to protect our relationships—hiding our emotions—is often what slowly chips away at their depth and authenticity.
The Cost of Emotional Suppression
Burying our real feelings doesn’t protect connection—it weakens it. When we deny sadness, we miss out on comfort. When we hide frustration, we forfeit opportunities for repair. When we don't voice our hurt, it turns into resentment.
And eventually, those unspoken emotions don’t just go away—they build up. They show up in passive-aggressiveness, in withdrawal, in sudden emotional outbursts that feel “out of nowhere.”
We may think we’re being considerate by keeping our pain to ourselves, but true intimacy can’t grow where emotional honesty is missing. If your partner, friend, or loved one never knows how you're really doing, how can they truly show up for you?
Emotional Honesty Is Not Emotional Chaos
Let’s clear up a huge myth: expressing strong emotions doesn’t mean you’re being unstable or irrational. There’s a difference between emotional honesty and emotional chaos.
Crying, yelling, getting frustrated, feeling overwhelmed—these are all natural responses to being human. What matters is how we express them, not whether we have them in the first place.
Crying isn’t weakness. It’s a release. It shows vulnerability and depth.
Yelling doesn’t make you toxic. Sometimes it's a cry for understanding after years of being ignored. What matters is returning to connection afterward.
Anger isn’t scary—it’s a signal. It often points to something important: a crossed boundary, an unmet need, a lingering wound.
Sadness isn’t a burden. It’s an invitation to be supported.
We’ve been conditioned to suppress big emotions, especially in relationships. But what if those big emotions—expressed with care and awareness—are the bridge to deeper connection?
Emotional maturity isn’t about always being composed. It’s about knowing what you’re feeling, expressing it in a safe and honest way, and staying committed to the relationship while you do it.
You’re not “too much” because you feel deeply. You’re real.
How to Encourage Emotional Openness in Your Relationship
It’s not just about expressing your emotions—it’s also about creating space for your partner to do the same. If we want emotionally honest relationships, we need to actively make it safe for others to be real with us.
Here’s how to start:
Lead with empathy, not advice. When your partner is upset, don’t rush to solve it. Try: “That sounds really tough. I’m here with you.”
Ask deeper questions. Go beyond “Are you okay?” Try: “What’s been weighing on you lately?” or “How did that make you feel?”
Validate their experience. Even if you see it differently, you can say: “That makes sense why you’d feel that way.”
Listen without judgment. Let them cry, rant, feel—all without trying to correct or shrink it.
Celebrate emotional honesty. Thank them when they open up. “I appreciate you telling me. I know that wasn’t easy.”
Be emotionally present. Your calm, grounded presence during their emotional moments teaches them that it’s safe to be vulnerable.
When we learn to hold space for each other’s full emotional range, we build trust that no “bad day” or “big feeling” will break the bond.
You’re Allowed to Feel
You don’t have to be easy to love to be worthy of love.
You don’t need to smile through pain, shrink your anger, or apologize for crying just to maintain peace. Real relationships don’t ask you to mute yourself—they invite you to be more of yourself.
And the beautiful part? When you give yourself permission to feel, you show others it’s okay too. That’s how emotional safety becomes a shared language.
It's time we stop treating emotions like threats to our relationships—and start seeing them as the heartbeat of real connection.
Eye-Opening Question to Leave With:
If we only show the parts of ourselves that are easy to love—are we ever really being loved at all?
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