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Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-TrainingJulie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training

In a world that constantly encourages self-love and positivity, it can feel almost offensive to say I don’t love myself, as if admitting such a thing makes me weak or unworthy. The pressure to always feel good about ourselves can make it seem offensive to say I don’t love myself, but in reality, it’s a raw and honest expression of what so many people experience silently.

Is It Really That Offensive to Say I Don’t Love Myself? You Might Be Surprised

Self-love. It’s a term that gets tossed around a lot these days—on social media, in therapy sessions, and in the self-help books that promise us the world if we just “learn to love ourselves.” But here's the truth that no one likes to admit: It’s more common than you think to not love yourself. In fact, it might be more relatable than you’d expect.


Now, before you throw your hands up in disbelief or start mentally defending your self-worth, take a moment to think: how often do you criticize yourself? How many times have you looked in the mirror and felt disappointment or, worse, disgust? How frequently do you feel like you're just not enough?


We’ve all heard the phrase “you can’t love others until you love yourself,” but what if loving yourself feels impossible, or worse, offensive to admit? For some, saying “I don’t love myself” doesn’t feel like a simple expression of self-awareness—it feels like a betrayal of the very thing we’re supposed to strive for. After all, society, friends, family, and even our inner voices push us to believe that self-love is a requirement for mental health and happiness. But is that even realistic?


The Hidden Reality: Why Self-Love Feels Elusive


When we talk about self-love, we often envision unwavering confidence, positive affirmations, and a life filled with self-compassion. But the reality is far murkier. Self-love is not an all-or-nothing experience. It ebbs and flows, and for many, it feels more like a constant battle than a peaceful state of being.


If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:


  • “I don’t deserve to feel good about myself.”

  • “I should be further along in life by now.”

  • “I’m just not as good as other people.”


…you’re not alone. In fact, many people feel this way every single day. But society tells us to hide it. We're expected to fake it, put on a brave face, and pretend that everything is fine—even when it’s not.


And that’s where the problem lies. We’re conditioned to believe that self-love is an innate ability—something we should just “snap into” if we try hard enough. But for people who struggle with anxiety, depression, or past trauma, it can feel like trying to climb an emotional mountain that’s too steep and too slippery to reach the top.


The Pressure to "Love Yourself" Is Not Always Helpful


Self-love is often painted as a shiny, attainable goal: if you don’t love yourself, you’re broken, missing something, or failing at life. In reality, the path to self-love is a messy, ongoing journey. It isn’t just about chanting affirmations or making sure you practice mindfulness every day—it’s about accepting the parts of yourself you find unlovable, learning to be kind when you feel unworthy, and offering yourself grace when your self-criticism runs wild.


Let’s face it: telling someone who’s struggling to love themselves to “just love yourself” doesn’t help. For someone in a difficult mental space, these simple words can feel like a dismissal, or worse, a judgment of their worth. It’s like telling someone with a broken leg to “just walk it off.” It invalidates the complexity of their experience.


So, what does it really mean to love yourself, and why is it so hard to admit you don’t?


The Culture of Shame: Why We Can’t Say "I Don’t Love Myself"


We live in a culture that places a premium on perfection and achievement. We’re taught that we must be happy, positive, and confident all the time. Showing vulnerability or admitting that we don’t love ourselves feels almost like failing. The shame associated with struggling to accept yourself often makes it impossible to speak honestly about your inner experience.


And yet, saying "I don't love myself" is not as shocking as we might think. It’s actually a common experience for many people, and it’s absolutely okay to admit it. By naming it, we can start to understand it and break down the stigma surrounding our emotional struggles.


Reframing Self-Love: Small Steps Toward Radical Compassion


If you’re struggling to love yourself, here’s the good news: you don’t have to “love yourself” in the conventional sense to start healing. Sometimes, it’s about taking small, compassionate steps toward self-acceptance. Here’s how:


  1. Stop the Negative Self-Talk: Start paying attention to how you talk to yourself. Is your inner dialogue full of judgment? Begin by replacing harsh thoughts with neutral observations. For example, instead of saying, “I’m a failure,” try “I didn’t succeed this time, but I can learn from this.”


  2. Allow Yourself to Feel: Self-love isn’t about ignoring your emotions; it’s about embracing them. If you’re feeling low, let yourself feel low—without judgment. You are allowed to feel everything you feel, without labeling yourself as unworthy.


  3. Seek Support, Not Perfection: Reaching out for help doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re human. Whether it’s through therapy, support groups, or confiding in friends, sharing your experience can help you begin to see yourself as worthy of love, even when you don’t feel it.


  4. Celebrate Small Wins: Self-love doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. It’s about recognizing the small victories: waking up, showing up, taking a shower, going to work. These are all acts of self-care, and they matter more than you might think.


  5. Understand Self-Love Is Not Perfection: Loving yourself doesn’t mean being perfect. It’s about being kind to yourself, even when you feel imperfect. Embrace your flaws as part of who you are, not as obstacles to self-love.


Breaking the Silence: Can We Talk About It?


So, here’s the question: Why is it so offensive to say “I don’t love myself,” and what would happen if we were all just a little more honest about it?


Maybe the real key to healing lies not in pretending to love ourselves all the time but in accepting that we can love ourselves even when we don’t feel it. Embracing the vulnerability of not being “okay” all the time could be the very thing that breaks us free from the shame and isolation we often experience. It’s okay not to have it all figured out. In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s essential to our collective healing.


By speaking honestly about our struggles, we open the door to compassion, connection, and ultimately, the kind of self-love that’s grounded in authenticity, not perfection.


 

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Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-TrainingJulie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training

A non-materialistic Christmas can nurture gratitude in kids by shifting their focus from receiving gifts to appreciating the love and experiences shared with family. By prioritizing presence over presents, children learn that the true joy of the season lies in connection, not in material possessions.

The Gift of Presence: How a Non-Materialistic Christmas Can Nurture Gratitude in Kids

The holiday season is often synonymous with excess—excessive shopping, excessive decorating, and, let’s face it, excessive spending. But what if this Christmas, we chose to step away from the piles of presents and embraced something different? What if we focused on presence, connection, and the gift of gratitude instead? By embracing a non-materialistic Christmas, we not only ease the pressure of holiday consumerism but also instill important values in our children that will last a lifetime.


Why a Non-Materialistic Christmas?


In today’s fast-paced world, where our children are constantly bombarded with advertisements, toy commercials, and "must-have" lists, it’s easy for the true meaning of the season to get lost. Christmas has evolved into a commercial spectacle, with parents spending large sums of money in an attempt to make their children’s holiday dreams come true. While giving gifts is a beautiful way to express love, the pursuit of material goods can leave both adults and kids feeling more stressed and disconnected from the true joy of the season.


By simplifying our approach to the holidays, we create an environment where emotional well-being takes precedence over material possessions. It’s about teaching children that the most precious gifts are not those that come wrapped in shiny paper, but those that are experienced through time spent together, shared memories, and the joy of giving.


The Importance of Gratitude


Gratitude is a foundational skill for emotional health, but it’s often overlooked, especially in children. Studies have shown that children who practice gratitude tend to have higher levels of happiness, better relationships, and greater resilience. So, how do we foster this important quality, particularly during the holiday season?


One of the most powerful ways to teach gratitude is by modeling it ourselves. Children are keen observers—they learn not only from what we say, but from what we do. When we focus on non-material gifts during the holiday season, we create a space for our kids to appreciate what truly matters: love, connection, and the joy of giving.


Ways to Foster Gratitude in Children this Christmas


  1. Gift Experiences, Not Things

    Rather than inundating your children with material items, consider giving experiences that create lasting memories. A trip to the ice skating rink, baking cookies together, or a simple nature walk can be just as magical—if not more so—than the latest gadget or toy. These shared experiences also help children develop a deeper sense of connection to their family and the world around them.


  2. Involve Them in Giving Back

    Teach your children that the holiday season is not just about receiving, but also about giving. Get them involved in a charity project, like donating toys to less fortunate children, volunteering at a local food bank, or making homemade cards for elderly neighbors. When kids see the impact of their generosity, they gain a sense of fulfillment that material gifts simply cannot provide.


  3. Encourage Thank You Notes

    After receiving a gift, encourage your children to write thank-you notes or draw pictures for those who gave them presents. This small, yet meaningful practice helps them reflect on the gift, appreciate the giver, and understand the importance of showing gratitude.


  4. Practice Mindfulness Together

    Take a moment to slow down and practice mindfulness as a family. Set aside a few minutes each day to sit quietly and focus on what you’re grateful for. Share your thoughts with each other, and let your children voice what they’re thankful for—whether it’s family, friends, or the simple joy of a cozy home. When children regularly practice gratitude, they learn to focus on the positive aspects of their lives.


  5. Create a Gratitude Jar

    Start a new tradition this year by creating a gratitude jar. Each day, write down something you’re grateful for on a slip of paper and add it to the jar. On Christmas Day, read through the notes together as a family. This activity not only encourages reflection but also helps children notice the little things they might otherwise take for granted.


Handling Peer Pressure: Navigating the Gift Gap


While the focus on gratitude and non-material gifts can create a meaningful Christmas experience, it’s important to acknowledge the challenges that children might face—especially when it comes to peer pressure. At a time when friends are showing off their shiny new toys or high-tech gadgets, it’s easy for kids to feel left out, or even embarrassed about not receiving material gifts. The desire to fit in can be overwhelming, and some children may feel inadequate if they don’t have the latest item on the wish list.


So how can we help our children handle this peer pressure?


  1. Normalize Different Traditions

    One of the best ways to build resilience against peer pressure is by normalizing your family’s non-materialistic traditions. Talk openly about how different families celebrate and how some people prioritize experiences or spending time together over giving material gifts. Help your child feel proud of your unique family holiday customs, and remind them that not everyone’s Christmas looks the same.


  2. Reinforce the Value of Gratitude

    As your child navigates social circles where gift-giving is a central part of the celebration, continually reinforce the value of gratitude. Teach them that Christmas is about more than just the gifts—it's about the thought behind them and the love shared. Encourage your child to focus on the time spent with friends and family, the laughter, and the experiences, rather than comparing what they did or didn’t get.


  3. Role-Playing Scenarios

    If your child is feeling self-conscious about not having material gifts to show off, consider role-playing different scenarios. Practice how to graciously receive a gift and how to handle questions from friends about their own gifts. This boosts their confidence and equips them with language to navigate uncomfortable situations. Encourage them to politely express gratitude for the gift they receive, regardless of its size or value.


  4. Focus on the Spirit of Giving

    Teach your child that true happiness comes not from receiving but from giving. Help them make handmade gifts, cards, or treats for their friends. When children focus on what they can give to others, rather than what they are receiving, they cultivate a deep sense of self-worth and satisfaction.


The Gift of Presence


Ultimately, a non-materialistic Christmas emphasizes the importance of presence—not just physically being in the same room, but truly being present with each other. In a world that often prioritizes “stuff,” this shift in focus can be life-changing. We all want our children to grow up with strong emotional health, to appreciate the small moments, and to value relationships over possessions. By nurturing a culture of gratitude and mindfulness this holiday season, we help children develop a deeper understanding of what truly matters.


This Christmas, let’s give the gift of presence, not presents. Let’s teach our kids that the most meaningful moments are those that can’t be bought. When we shift our focus from the material to the emotional, we create a holiday season that’s not only good for our mental health but for our hearts as well.


Eye-Opening Question:


If the true meaning of Christmas isn’t about what’s under the tree, then what is the most valuable gift we can give our children this holiday season, and how can we help them feel confident in it—even if their friends have something different?


 

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Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-TrainingJulie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training

The Power of Doing Nothing lies in its ability to free our minds from the constant barrage of decisions, allowing space for clarity and creativity to flourish. Sometimes, the most profound shifts in our mental health come not from doing more, but from simply being still and present in the moment.

The Power of Doing Nothing: Why Taking a 'Zero Decision' Day is the Mental Health Reset You Need

In today’s fast-paced world, we’re constantly told to hustle harder, plan more, and execute faster. From managing demanding work schedules to balancing personal commitments, it can feel like we’re on a never-ending treadmill of decision-making and productivity. The pressure to be constantly “on” is exhausting, leaving little room for rest, reflection, or genuine relaxation.


But what if the secret to better mental health wasn’t more control or more decisions, but less of both?


What Is a “Zero Decision” Day?


Imagine waking up one morning and deciding, “Today, I’m going to make zero decisions.” It might sound counterintuitive—almost impossible in a world that demands constant decision-making. But a "Zero Decision" day is all about allowing yourself a full 24 hours where you relinquish the need to plan, control, or direct every moment of your day. You simply go with the flow.


On a Zero Decision Day, there are no expectations. You don’t decide what to wear, where to go, or what to eat. You wake up, get out of bed, and let the day unfold without your usual mental gymnastics. Whether that means you end up having an impromptu breakfast at your favorite café or spend the day binge-watching documentaries on your couch—there’s no guilt or planning involved.


Why Is It So Effective for Mental Health?


We live in an age of decision fatigue. The average adult makes hundreds—if not thousands—of decisions every day, from trivial choices like which toothpaste to buy to life-altering ones like career moves or relationship decisions. The sheer weight of this responsibility can cause stress, anxiety, and burnout. Even small decisions can accumulate and chip away at our mental energy, leaving us feeling overwhelmed, drained, and disconnected.


A Zero Decision Day is the antidote. By taking a break from constant decision-making, your mind gets to recharge. The mental load lifts, and you’re free to just be—without pressure, without a to-do list, and without any underlying guilt. It’s a chance to reconnect with yourself and find peace in the present moment.


The Science Behind It: Resting the Cognitive Load


Studies show that decision-making is a taxing cognitive process. Every decision, no matter how small, drains your mental resources. The more decisions we make, the more we increase our risk of burnout, as our brains become fatigued by the constant effort to weigh options and make choices.


Taking a Zero Decision Day works by reducing that mental load. You’re not engaging in active decision-making, so your brain has time to rest, rejuvenate, and recalibrate. Instead of juggling what you should do next, you embrace what is happening in the present moment.

This shift also offers an opportunity for your subconscious to take the lead. Without the interference of constant active thought, you might find yourself making spontaneous decisions that are more aligned with your true needs. Your intuition rises to the surface, and you’re better able to tune into what your mind and body actually need.


The Benefits: What Happens When You Stop Trying to Control Everything


  1. Reduced Anxiety: The constant pressure to make decisions, big and small, can lead to increased anxiety and stress. A day without decisions lets you step away from this cycle and gives your mind a break.

  2. Increased Creativity: Without the mental clutter of endless choices, your brain has space to think outside the box. Many of us report feeling more creative after taking a step back and letting go of control.

  3. Improved Focus: When you’re not constantly making decisions, your brain’s resources are freed up for more important tasks. You might find that your ability to focus improves after just one day of rest.

  4. Better Connection with Others: Often, the need to control can affect relationships. A Zero Decision Day allows you to be more present with others, as you’re not preoccupied with your mental checklist. You’re able to just be with people, fostering a deeper connection.

  5. Mindful Living: This practice forces you to embrace the present moment. With no agenda or expectations, you are free to enjoy the small joys of life—whether that’s a good conversation, a sunny afternoon, or the simple act of sitting quietly.


How to Make It Happen: Tips for Your First Zero Decision Day


  1. Set Boundaries: Let those around you know that you’re taking a break from decision-making. If you need to, set your phone to “Do Not Disturb” or turn off notifications so you aren’t tempted to respond to emails or make unnecessary decisions.

  2. Go With the Flow: You might start your day thinking you’re going to be spontaneous, but then find yourself subconsciously planning everything. Catch yourself! The idea is to go with whatever feels right in the moment, even if it’s just to sit and stare out the window.

  3. Let Others Lead: Whether you’re with friends or family, let them make the decisions. Let someone else decide where you go for lunch or how you spend your afternoon. Relinquishing control can be liberating.

  4. Don’t Overthink It: This isn’t an exercise in performance. It’s about not trying to make something happen or feeling guilty for not doing enough. Just embrace the fact that you’re doing nothing for the day.

  5. Reflect at the End of the Day: After your Zero Decision Day, take a few moments to reflect. How did it feel to not be in control? Did you discover something new about your desires or needs?


The Bottom Line: Are You Ready to Let Go?


In a world that often prioritizes productivity and control, the idea of taking a day to do absolutely nothing might seem impossible—or even irresponsible. But the truth is, by giving yourself permission to release the reins for just one day, you may find a sense of mental clarity and peace that you didn’t know you needed.


Taking a break from the constant pressure of decision-making might be just the reset your mind and body need. So, the question is:


Are you ready to stop doing and start being—for one entire day?


 

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