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Living in the Gray: Jodie's Struggle with Loneliness and Borderline Personality Disorder

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Feb 19

Note: This content is fictional and created with the intention to inspire, uplift, and support you on your mental health journey. If it feels discouraging, please feel free to disregard it—your well-being is always the priority.

Breaking Free: Mindy's Brave Journey from Eating Disorder to Empowerment

Loneliness is something we all experience from time to time, but for people like Jodie, it’s not just an occasional feeling. It’s a constant, overwhelming force. Jodie, a 28-year-old woman, has struggled with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) for most of her adult life, and at the core of her experience is a profound sense of isolation.


For those unfamiliar with BPD, it’s a mental health condition marked by intense emotional experiences, difficulty managing relationships, and a fluctuating sense of self. These symptoms often make it hard to form and maintain stable relationships, which leads to feelings of abandonment, rejection, and loneliness. Jodie’s story is a poignant reflection of these struggles.



A Cycle of Hope and Heartbreak


When Jodie first meets someone, she feels an intense sense of connection—like they’re the answer to her deepest longing for intimacy and affection. But as soon as she starts to grow close to them, her fears of abandonment start to surface. She becomes overwhelmed by the thought of being left behind, of being unimportant. This fear triggers a flood of emotions—rage, sadness, desperation. And while her new relationship may start off strong, her intense emotions often drive others away, leaving Jodie feeling more isolated than ever.


It’s not that Jodie doesn’t want love or companionship—on the contrary, it’s all she craves. It’s the constant push and pull of intense feelings that keeps her in a cycle of connection and disconnection. She might push someone away because she fears they’ll abandon her, or she might cling to them too tightly because she fears being alone. Either way, her relationships often don’t survive the intense emotional waves, reinforcing the loneliness she so desperately wants to avoid.



The Shadow of Emotional Instability


Jodie’s loneliness isn’t just about a lack of social connection—it’s also about emotional instability. People with BPD often have intense emotional reactions that can seem disproportionate to the situation. Jodie’s emotional world is like a rollercoaster: one moment, she might feel on top of the world, but the next, she could spiral into deep sadness or anger. This emotional volatility often makes it difficult for others to understand her needs, leading to miscommunication and misunderstandings, further driving a wedge between her and potential support systems.


Her loneliness is often compounded by the feeling that no one truly understands her. Jodie finds herself caught between the desire to reach out for help and the fear that she’ll be judged or rejected. Her emotions are so intense that she worries others won’t be able to handle them. This leaves her feeling stuck, unable to bridge the gap between her internal experience and the external world.


The Road to Healing


While Jodie’s story is heart-wrenching, it’s also one of resilience. With the right treatment and support, it’s possible to manage BPD and find meaningful connections. Therapy, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can help individuals with BPD develop skills to manage emotions, improve interpersonal relationships, and reduce the self-destructive behaviors that often accompany the disorder.


But healing is a slow process, and it takes time for people with BPD to learn how to trust themselves and others. For Jodie, it means gradually shifting from a place of fear and distrust to one of self-acceptance and openness. It also means learning that she doesn’t have to be perfect to deserve love or friendship—that imperfection is part of being human, and that vulnerability doesn’t always lead to rejection.


A Final Thought


Jodie’s story is just one example of how loneliness can take root in the lives of those with BPD. The journey from loneliness to connection isn’t easy, but it’s possible with the right help. As we continue to raise awareness about mental health, we must remember that the loneliness people experience—whether from BPD or another mental health condition—is not just an individual experience. It’s a collective issue, one that requires empathy, understanding, and support from all of us.


Are we willing to see the pain behind the loneliness, or will we continue to leave those who need us the most in the shadows?


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Navigating Gender Dysphoria: When Is Help Needed, and How Can We Support Our Teens?

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Feb 18

Teens navigating gender dysphoria face the complex challenge of reconciling their gender identity with societal expectations, often leading to emotional distress. Providing them with understanding, support, and access to professional care can significantly ease their journey toward self-acceptance and confidence.

Navigating Gender Dysphoria: When Is Help Needed, and How Can We Support Our Teens?

Gender dysphoria, as defined by the DSM-5, refers to the distress that a person experiences when their gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. For many teens, this can manifest as a deep sense of discomfort with their body, an intense desire to be perceived as a different gender, or confusion about their gender identity altogether.


In adolescence, when self-identity is still developing, this experience can be especially difficult. The teen years are a time of intense physical, emotional, and social change, and when gender dysphoria is added to the mix, it can be overwhelming. For parents, educators, and caregivers, understanding when professional help is needed and how to best support a teen through their gender journey is crucial.


When Is Help Needed?


While gender exploration is a normal part of adolescent development, gender dysphoria becomes more apparent when the discomfort with one’s assigned gender is persistent, significant, and causes distress or impairment in daily life. According to the DSM-5, some common signs that a teen might be experiencing gender dysphoria include:


  • A strong desire to be treated as the opposite gender

  • A deep discomfort with their physical body, particularly primary and secondary sexual characteristics

  • A consistent feeling of being “misunderstood” or disconnected from their gender role

  • Persistent distress or depression, particularly related to gender identity


If any of these signs are present, it’s important to consider seeking support. Gender dysphoria can affect mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, and sometimes self-harm, particularly if the individual feels unsupported or misunderstood.


How Do We Help Our Teens?


  1. Listening and Validation

The first step in supporting a teen with gender dysphoria is to listen openly and without judgment. Teenagers who are struggling with gender identity issues often feel isolated or dismissed, so creating a space where they feel safe to express their feelings is essential. Let them know their feelings are valid and that their emotions are heard.


  1. Seeking Professional Guidance

When gender dysphoria is causing distress or impairment, it’s vital to involve mental health professionals. Therapists who specialize in gender identity can provide a safe space for the teen to explore their feelings and help guide them through their journey. Therapy may involve gender-affirming care, which includes understanding the teen's identity, emotional well-being, and potential steps they might want to take, whether that involves social, medical, or legal transitions.


  1. Supporting Social Transition

For many teens, transitioning may not involve medical or physical changes but rather social ones. This can include changes such as adopting a new name, pronouns, or clothing style that aligns with their gender identity. Supporting this social transition—whether at home, in school, or within the community—can help reduce stress and allow teens to feel more comfortable in their own skin.


  1. Understanding Medical Options

For some teens, medical interventions such as hormone therapy or gender-affirming surgeries may be part of their transition. These options should be discussed with professionals in gender-affirming healthcare, who can help the teen and family understand the benefits, risks, and timing of these procedures. It’s important that teens make informed decisions with the support of mental health professionals, medical providers, and their family.


  1. Creating a Supportive Environment

Finally, fostering an environment of unconditional love and acceptance is crucial. The teen years can be challenging for anyone, but for those experiencing gender dysphoria, having a strong support system can make all the difference. Encourage open conversations, educate family members and friends, and create a safe space at home where the teen can express themselves freely.


The Bottom Line: Why Should We Care?


Supporting teens with gender dysphoria is not just about addressing their immediate concerns, but about validating their identities and helping them navigate a world that may not always understand their experiences. As parents, educators, and caregivers, our role is to empower these young people, helping them develop the confidence and self-worth they need to thrive.


So, here’s the eye-opening question: How can we, as a society, do more to create a world where gender-diverse teens feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgment or rejection?


The conversation is just beginning. Are we ready to listen?


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Are We Unknowingly Making Our Kids Emotional Burden-Bearers? The Hidden Cost of Role Reversal

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Feb 17

Making our kids emotional burden-bearers can unintentionally strip them of their childhood innocence, forcing them to shoulder adult worries before they're emotionally ready. By relying on them to manage our feelings, we risk hindering their emotional development and placing unnecessary stress on their young shoulders.

Are We Unknowingly Making Our Kids Emotional Burden-Bearers? The Hidden Cost of Role Reversal

Parenting is undoubtedly one of life’s most rewarding, yet challenging roles. Every parent faces struggles, and it's natural to want to share those struggles with loved ones. But when we start leaning too heavily on our children for emotional support, we can unintentionally place them in a position they aren't developmentally ready to handle. Without realizing it, we might be turning our children into emotional burden-bearers, shouldering an emotional load that affects their mental health and well-being.


The Unseen Weight of Emotional Burden-Bearers


As parents, we want the best for our children. But what happens when the emotional balance tips, and we begin to rely on them to help "fix" our emotional challenges? Our children, especially when young, are not equipped to handle the complexities of adult emotions. Yet, when we express our anxieties, frustrations, or sadness, we may subtly expect them to absorb those feelings, provide comfort, or solve problems that they are not capable of understanding fully.


Take, for example, a mother who is going through a tough breakup. She finds herself confiding in her 9-year-old daughter, talking about how lonely and heartbroken she feels. The daughter, unsure of how to handle the emotional weight, may try to comfort her mom by saying things like, “Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll always be here for you.” In this moment, the child steps into a caretaker role, when all she should be worried about is school and playing with her friends.


Or consider a father who struggles with anxiety but doesn't have a support network to lean on. Instead of turning to a therapist or a friend, he vents to his teenage son, talking about his work stress, financial pressures, and constant worries. The son, overwhelmed by his father’s problems, starts to feel like he needs to be the one to help his dad "feel better." The teenager might begin to carry around his own anxiety, worried about his father’s emotional state, and even start to feel responsible for his dad’s happiness.


The truth is that when children become emotional burden-bearers, they can internalize the notion that it’s their job to make their parents feel better, at the expense of their own emotional needs. This can create long-term emotional stress that, if left unchecked, might negatively impact their sense of self, emotional development, and overall well-being.


The Subtle Signs That Your Child is Taking on Too Much


How can you tell if your child is becoming an emotional burden-bearer? It might not be immediately obvious, but there are signs that should raise concern:


  1. Increased Emotional Dependence: Do you often turn to your child for emotional support—seeking comfort, reassurance, or solace when you’re upset? While it's natural to rely on family, when this becomes a regular pattern, your child may begin to feel as if it’s their job to "fix" your emotions.


    Example: A mother who regularly calls her 8-year-old after a difficult day at work and asks, “Can you just listen to me? I had such a hard day. I need someone to talk to." Over time, the child begins to feel the pressure of being the emotional support system, which can lead to emotional exhaustion and guilt for not being able to "make things better."


  2. Caretaking Behavior: If your child consistently steps into a caretaker role, whether it’s calming you down when you're stressed or trying to cheer you up when you’re sad, it can signal that they feel responsible for managing your emotions. This responsibility can be emotionally exhausting for them.


    Example: A young child, upon seeing their parent upset, might immediately try to comfort them by saying, “Don’t cry, I’ll help you!” While this seems sweet, it can be an indication that the child feels responsible for their parent’s emotional state, which they’re too young to fully process or manage.


  3. Guilt or Anxiety: When your child expresses guilt or anxiety for not being able to ease your worries or make you happy, it's a clear sign that they are shouldering an emotional load they aren't ready for. These emotions can foster unhealthy self-blame and stress.


    Example: A 12-year-old who overhears their parent worrying about financial troubles might begin to feel guilty for asking for new clothes or extracurricular activities, believing that their wishes are too much of a burden. This self-blame can stem from an unconscious sense of responsibility for alleviating their parent’s struggles.


  4. Suppressed Emotional Expression: Your child might hold back their own feelings or hide their struggles because they’re worried it will add more stress to your life. Instead of expressing themselves, they may prioritize your emotional needs over their own, potentially leading to emotional neglect or burnout.


    Example: A teenager whose parents are going through a divorce may bottle up their feelings, avoiding telling their parents about their own sadness, anxiety, or frustration. They worry that adding their own emotions to the mix would make things harder for their parents.


The Emotional and Developmental Consequences for Your Child


When children are forced into the role of emotional burden-bearer, it can interfere with their emotional growth and overall well-being:



  • Difficulty Managing Their Own Emotions: Children who carry the weight of others' emotions may struggle to develop healthy emotional regulation skills. They may find it harder to process their own feelings, which could result in increased anxiety, depression, or difficulty in relationships as they grow older.


  • Loss of Childhood Innocence: Part of being a child is learning to explore emotions in a safe and supportive environment. When children feel the need to be “strong” for their parents or other adults, they miss out on the opportunity to simply be children, without the burden of adult concerns.


  • Increased Risk of Mental Health Challenges: Growing up in an environment where they feel responsible for someone else's emotional state can contribute to chronic stress, anxiety, and depression. These children may develop a skewed sense of their role in relationships, feeling the weight of others’ emotions in ways that lead to emotional burnout.


How to Do Right By Your Child


To ensure that you’re raising emotionally healthy children, it’s crucial to set healthy boundaries and be mindful of your emotional needs. Here are a few strategies:


  1. Seek Adult Support: Whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, lean on adults for emotional support instead of turning to your child. This allows your child to maintain their own emotional space without feeling responsible for your emotional well-being.


  2. Model Healthy Emotional Expression: Show your children how to manage and express emotions appropriately. By doing this, you teach them how to process their feelings without feeling overwhelmed by them.


  3. Create Emotional Safety for Your Child: Encourage your child to express their emotions freely and without fear of burdening you. Validate their feelings and create an open dialogue where they can feel supported in their emotional development.


  4. Check in with Yourself: Reflect on your emotional needs and ask yourself if you’re relying on your child too heavily. Take steps to address your emotions with the right resources, so your child doesn’t carry a weight that isn’t theirs to bear.


An Eye-Opening Question


Is it possible that by leaning on our children too much, we’re unintentionally holding them back from developing their own healthy emotional resilience? And what will that mean for their future relationships and well-being?


Let’s consider this: Are we truly doing right by them, or are we placing an emotional burden on their shoulders that they’re not ready to carry?


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