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  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Jun 4, 2025

Psychodynamic therapy helps clients heal childhood trauma by uncovering how early relationships and experiences shape current emotions, behaviors, and self-beliefs. By creating space for insight, grieving, and emotional processing, psychodynamic therapy helps clients reclaim parts of themselves they had to hide to survive.

Echoes from the Past: How Psychodynamic Therapy Helps Clients Heal Childhood Trauma

Childhood trauma doesn’t stay in childhood. It echoes—through adult relationships, self-esteem, decision-making, and even the body. For many clients, trauma shows up not as a memory but as a pattern—a reflex to withdraw when loved, to panic when slighted, or to sabotage success because it feels unfamiliar or unsafe. These aren’t conscious choices. They’re emotional survival strategies learned early, often in homes where safety, love, or stability were inconsistent or absent.


Psychodynamic therapy helps clients explore these early experiences not to place blame, but to understand how the past informs the present—and how it can stop running the show.


More Than Just Talking About the Past


A common misconception is that psychodynamic therapy is only about digging up old memories. In truth, it’s about uncovering the emotional logic behind current suffering. This approach understands that the roots of many adult struggles are unconscious, buried beneath years of coping, masking, or avoidance.


For example, someone who grew up walking on eggshells around a volatile parent may struggle with setting boundaries as an adult. They may not remember why, but their body remembers the danger of conflict. Psychodynamic therapy gently helps clients connect the dots—between past emotional injuries and present relational patterns—so they can begin to make new, empowered choices.



“Why Do I Always Feel This Way?”


Imagine a client who feels intense panic when their partner doesn’t respond to a text. They might say, “I know it’s irrational, but I feel abandoned.” That emotional intensity isn’t about the text—it’s about a younger version of themselves who learned that love could vanish at any moment.


Psychodynamic therapy honors these younger parts. The therapist might ask: “When was the first time you remember feeling that kind of panic?” This question opens the door to buried stories—often of neglect, unpredictability, or unmet emotional needs. As clients begin to recognize their emotional responses as echoes of the past, they gain the power to respond instead of react.


The Power of the Therapy Relationship


One of the most powerful elements of psychodynamic work is transference—the way clients unconsciously replay past relational dynamics with their therapist. While this might sound technical, it’s deeply human. Clients may fear they’re too much, expect rejection, or idealize the therapist—just as they once did with caregivers. These feelings are not interruptions—they’re data.


In this relational space, the therapist doesn’t just talk about safety—they embody it. When a client becomes withdrawn or angry and the therapist remains present and curious, something radical happens: the client begins to experience a new template for connection. This lived experience of being accepted, even in vulnerability, becomes the seed of healing.


Defenses: Not Broken, But Brave


Clients often come into therapy ashamed of their coping mechanisms—self-isolation, perfectionism, overachievement, people-pleasing. Psychodynamic therapy reframes these as brilliant, if outdated, survival tools. Every defense once had a purpose: to protect, to soothe, to preserve dignity or safety in an unsafe environment.


The goal isn’t to tear these down, but to understand their origin with compassion. A client who dissociates during conflict, for example, may learn that zoning out was the only way to survive a household where emotions were explosive or ignored. Once these defenses are recognized, the client can begin to build more adaptive strategies, grounded in the present rather than the past.


So, Who Is Psychodynamic Therapy Best For?


Psychodynamic therapy is especially helpful for clients who:


  • Struggle with recurring relationship issues that don’t resolve with surface-level interventions

  • Feel stuck in emotional patterns without clear reasons

  • Have complex or early-life trauma histories

  • Are curious, open to introspection, and willing to explore deeper emotional layers

  • Want not just symptom relief, but insight and long-term change


However, it's not always the best fit for everyone. Here are some important limitations:


  • It’s a slower process, and results may not be immediate—this can be frustrating for those in acute crisis or looking for short-term coping strategies.

  • It may feel abstract or too "in the head" for clients who prefer structured, skills-based approaches like CBT or DBT.

  • It requires a certain level of psychological mindedness, meaning clients need to be able (or willing to learn) to reflect on inner experiences.

  • For individuals with severe dissociation, psychosis, or acute substance use without stabilization, this approach may not be safe as a first step and may need to be paired with other interventions first.


That said, when the timing, therapeutic match, and client readiness align, psychodynamic therapy can be deeply transformative.



Slow Work, Deep Change


Psychodynamic therapy isn’t a quick fix—but for trauma survivors, it’s often the right fix. It doesn’t rush the client toward symptom relief; it invites them to explore the origin of their pain, and to gently rewrite the scripts they’ve been living by.


This type of therapy creates space for grieving what was lost—the childhood that wasn’t safe, the care that wasn’t given, the needs that went unseen. Only through grieving can clients reclaim parts of themselves they had to abandon to survive. In doing so, they don’t just “feel better.” They feel whole.


What Might Your Wounds Say?


Psychodynamic therapy asks brave questions—and holds space for difficult answers. In the quiet of the therapy room, many clients begin to hear something they’ve never heard before: the voice of their inner child, asking to be seen, understood, and loved.


So here’s the question:If your childhood wounds could speak, what would they want you to finally understand—and how might your life change if you truly listened?


💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?


Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉



More Related Articles:

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Jun 1, 2025

It’s more common than people admit: couples fall out of love after baby—not because the love wasn’t real, but because the relationship got buried under exhaustion, resentment, and unmet needs. Couples fall out of love after baby when they stop seeing each other as partners and start seeing each other only as co-parents or caretakers, slowly drifting apart without realizing it.

From Lovers to Roommates: Why Couples Fall Out of Love After Baby—and How to Reconnect

"Why do I feel so distant from the person I used to love the most?" It’s a quiet question whispered in many homes after the birth of a child—a moment that's supposed to bring couples closer but often drives a wedge between them.


The arrival of a baby brings joy, wonder, and deep purpose. But it also brings sleep deprivation, identity shifts, and a near-constant hum of responsibility that can leave even the strongest partnerships strained. For many couples, the transition to parenthood marks not just a new chapter—but a silent unraveling of the intimacy, connection, and teamwork that once defined their bond.



Why Couples Drift Apart After Baby


1. Emotional Exhaustion: New parents are running on empty. Sleep loss, hormone changes, and the constant demands of caregiving erode emotional reserves. When both partners are emotionally drained, there's little energy left to nurture the relationship.


2. Role Overload and Resentment: One partner may feel like they’re shouldering the bulk of the physical or emotional labor—leading to resentment, while the other may feel pushed aside or useless. These unspoken frustrations quietly chip away at affection.


3. Shifting Identity: Becoming a parent changes how people see themselves—and each other. The spontaneous, romantic partner you knew may now seem more like a taskmaster or co-manager. You may begin to feel more like roommates than lovers.


4. Lack of Communication: With a baby in the house, meaningful conversation often shrinks to logistics: diapers, feedings, and schedules. Emotional check-ins fall by the wayside, and misunderstandings multiply.


5. Deprioritizing the Relationship: Couples naturally focus on their child’s needs first, but when the partnership consistently comes last, emotional distance grows. Intimacy suffers—not just sexually, but emotionally and spiritually.


How to Understand the Disconnect—Without Blame


Understanding why you're drifting apart is the first step to repairing the bond. Rather than pointing fingers, try asking reflective questions:


  • How have our roles changed since the baby arrived?

  • Are we supporting each other’s emotional needs?

  • Do we both feel seen and appreciated?


Recognizing that the strain isn’t about a lack of love—but a lack of connection under pressure—can help shift from blame to empathy. You're not broken. You're overwhelmed. And you're not alone.



Getting Back Together as a Team


1. Make Communication a Priority—All Day Long: Instead of saving emotional check-ins for the end of an exhausting day, find little moments to connect throughout the day. A quick “How are you holding up?” text, a shared laugh, or simply making eye contact can go a long way. Don’t let small frustrations pile up—address them gently and early before they turn into resentment. Consistent communication keeps the emotional connection alive.


2. Practice Empathy Over Scorekeeping: When tensions run high, it’s easy to fall into a “tit for tat” mindset—counting who did more, who’s more tired, who sacrificed more. Instead, slow down and try to see the moment from your partner’s perspective. For example, if your partner forgets to do the dishes again, pause and consider: Did they have a rough day with the baby? Are they feeling overwhelmed too? Responding with empathy instead of blame shifts the dynamic from conflict to collaboration. One caring gesture often invites another.


3. Name and Share the Load: Take time to clearly define and divide responsibilities. Avoid assumptions—ask what your partner needs, and express what you need too. Regularly revisiting this conversation helps prevent resentment and reinforces the feeling that you're in this together.


4. Reignite Small Moments of Intimacy: Love often hides in the small things—a thank-you, a long hug, a quick check-in. These simple acts nurture emotional closeness and remind both partners that affection still exists, even in the chaos.


5. Normalize the Struggle: You’re not the only ones going through this. Many couples feel lost after a baby arrives. Consider seeking support through therapy, where you can explore changes in your relationship and rebuild connection in a safe, structured space.


6. Prioritize the Relationship: It’s easy to put your partnership on the back burner when a baby demands everything. But nurturing your bond makes you better parents, not worse. Even 20 minutes of undistracted time together can help rekindle closeness. Your relationship deserves care, too.


Every great team has to regroup when the game changes. Parenthood shifts everything—but it doesn’t have to cost your connection. With effort, empathy, and honest communication, couples can rediscover not just love, but a deeper partnership built on shared purpose.


So here’s the question: What would happen if, just for today, you treated your partner like a teammate again?


💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?


Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉



More Related Articles:

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • May 31, 2025

For those navigating Borderline Personality Disorder, it can be incredibly hard to stay connected when stress feels like abandonment—when every raised voice or silent moment feels like you're being left behind.

Loving on the Edge: How to Stay Connected When Stress Feels Like Abandonment

For those living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), love doesn’t always feel like comfort. Sometimes, it feels like pressure. Or fear. Or an overwhelming current that threatens to sweep them away just when they need something to hold on to. When someone with BPD is under stress, especially in intimate relationships, their nervous system becomes a battlefield of perceived abandonment and emotional reactivity. And even the gentlest touch or the kindest word can feel like too much—or not enough.


What Stress Feels Like in a Borderline Mind


Under stress, a person with BPD may experience heightened sensitivity, rapid mood shifts, and an intense fear that they are being left behind or rejected. Their inner world becomes flooded with emotion—hurt, shame, confusion—and even loving partners can seem distant or dangerous. They may lash out, shut down, cling too tightly, or push people away before they can be hurt. The emotional volume is turned all the way up, and rational thought becomes harder to access.


Imagine needing love the most precisely when you feel the least lovable.


This isn't manipulation. It's a survival response. The fear of abandonment that defines BPD becomes amplified by stress, leading to behaviors that may look angry, chaotic, or irrational—but are, at their core, desperate attempts to feel safe.



How to Love When You’re Underwater


If you live with BPD, learning to love while stressed isn’t about being perfect. It’s about building bridges between your emotional storms and the people who care about you. Here are a few ways to do that:


  • Name What You Feel, Even If It’s Messy“I feel like I’m being abandoned” is not a failure. It’s a starting point. Naming your emotions helps make sense of the chaos and invites connection.


  • Create Anchor RitualsShort grounding routines—like a daily check-in text, a short walk with your partner, or breathing together before bed—can help soothe the nervous system and remind you you’re not alone.


  • Use ‘Now’ LanguageStress and abandonment triggers often pull us into the past. Try saying, “Right now, I feel scared you’re pulling away,” rather than acting on old pain.


  • Have a Safe Word or SignalCreate a word or phrase that lets your partner know you’re overwhelmed and need time without rejection. This can reduce conflict and shame.


  • Seek Regulated SupportTherapy, DBT skills, or even self-soothing tools like cold water, movement, or journaling can help regulate emotional overload before it spills out.


For the Partner: Presence Over Perfection


If you love someone with BPD, remember: your steadiness matters more than your solutions. Be present, not perfect. When your partner is spiraling, ask questions gently: “How can I stay close without overwhelming you?” Boundaries and compassion can co-exist.



A Love That Learns


Loving with BPD under stress isn’t easy. But it’s not impossible. It’s a love that requires patience, self-awareness, and a whole lot of grace. It’s learning to pause when your brain says run, to reach when your heart says shut down.


Because love doesn’t need to be loud to be true—it just needs to stay.


Eye-Opening Question: What if the key to loving someone with BPD isn't to fix their fear—but to become someone it doesn’t have to fear?


💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?


Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉



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