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Childhood food-related trauma, such as being forced to eat or punished for food refusal, can significantly contribute to the development of ARFID by creating lasting emotional distress and negative associations with eating. These early experiences may result in heightened anxiety around food, making it difficult for the child to develop a healthy relationship with eating later in life.

How Childhood Food-Related Trauma Contributes to ARFID—and How Parents Can Help Their Children Heal

Food is more than just a source of nourishment; it’s tied to emotions, memories, and experiences that shape our relationships with it. For some children, food becomes a battleground—where struggles with eating disorders like Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) are compounded by painful memories of food-related trauma. The scars from these early experiences can linger well into adulthood, affecting how we view food, our bodies, and our emotional well-being.


ARFID is a complex eating disorder where individuals avoid certain foods or severely restrict their intake—not because they want to lose weight, but due to sensory sensitivities, anxiety around food, or negative associations that go beyond typical food preferences. Unfortunately, in some cases, childhood food-related trauma can make these difficulties even harder to overcome.


The Hidden Link: Childhood Food Abuse and ARFID


For children with ARFID, food-related trauma often plays a significant role in the development and persistence of the disorder. This trauma can take many forms: forced feeding, emotional manipulation, physical punishment, or simply being denied the autonomy to make choices about their food. These experiences can create lasting fears around eating, which manifest as avoidance or restrictive behaviors when it comes to food.


Example 1: Forced Feeding and Emotional Manipulation


Imagine a child who refuses to eat a particular food due to a sensory aversion or fear of the texture. Rather than respecting the child’s preferences, a parent might respond by forcing the child to finish their plate, perhaps even using threats or punishment if the child doesn’t comply. In one instance, a child might be told that they’ll be sent to bed without dessert or stay at the dinner table for hours until they eat. Over time, this can create intense anxiety around mealtimes, making the child associate food with fear and stress rather than nourishment.


Example 2: Physical Punishment and Shame


In more severe cases, children with ARFID may experience physical punishment related to food refusal. A child who struggles with food might be hit, screamed at, or publicly humiliated for not finishing their meal or for refusing certain foods. This type of punishment, especially when it’s related to food, can create an emotional wound that makes eating feel like an act of submission or compliance rather than a natural, healthy behavior. The child may grow to avoid eating altogether as a way to avoid further trauma.


Example 3: Hiding Food to Avoid Conflict


In some cases, a child with ARFID may begin to hide or discard food to avoid conflict. For example, a child who dislikes certain foods may try to sneakily dispose of them when no one is looking, fearing that they’ll be punished or criticized for not eating. Over time, this behavior can become a learned coping mechanism, where the child avoids eating altogether or restricts their intake to the bare minimum. This may result in malnutrition and worsening emotional distress around food.


These negative memories and anxieties around eating can carry over into adulthood, making it difficult to ever fully trust or enjoy food again.


How Parents Can Foster Healing in Children with ARFID


If your child struggles with ARFID, it’s important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and a deep understanding of the emotional impact food-related trauma can have. Punishing or forcing a child to eat may have been an accepted approach in the past, but research shows that such tactics often backfire, exacerbating the child’s anxiety and reinforcing negative associations with food.


So, what can parents do to help their children develop a healthier relationship with food?


  1. Understand the Root Causes: ARFID is more than just picky eating. It’s a complex disorder with psychological, sensory, and emotional components. Parents should try to understand that their child’s refusal to eat or fear of certain foods isn’t simply behavioral—it’s a deeply ingrained response to earlier experiences.


  2. Create a Safe, Calm Mealtime Environment: High-pressure mealtimes can increase anxiety and resistance to food. Instead, focus on creating a relaxed environment where your child feels in control of their eating. Allow them to make choices about what and how much they eat, even if it’s just small steps toward more variety over time.


  3. Introduce Gradual Exposure: If your child has sensory sensitivities to textures, smells, or tastes, introduce new foods slowly. Start with foods they might already feel comfortable with, and gently encourage them to try new things without the pressure to eat them right away. Over time, they’ll learn to associate new foods with safety, not fear.


  4. Seek Professional Support: ARFID often requires professional help to address both the eating disorder and any underlying emotional trauma. A therapist or counselor who specializes in eating disorders can help your child work through their anxieties, reframe negative thoughts about food, and develop healthier coping strategies.


  5. Model Healthy Eating Habits: Children learn from what they see, so it’s important for parents to model healthy, positive behaviors around food. Avoid commenting on your own food choices, and instead, focus on showing your child that food can be an enjoyable, nourishing part of life. Make mealtime a stress-free, pleasant experience for the whole family.


  6. Acknowledge and Validate Their Experience: If your child has experienced trauma related to food, it’s vital to validate their feelings. Acknowledge the struggles they’ve faced, apologize for past mistakes, and support their recovery. Building trust is key to overcoming the barriers created by food-related trauma.


Healing Starts with Compassion


The road to healing from food-related trauma is long, but it’s not impossible. When parents approach their child’s struggles with ARFID with understanding, compassion, and a willingness to change their mindset, they can help create an environment that fosters healing. Recovery from ARFID is about more than just eating—it’s about rebuilding trust, confidence, and emotional well-being.


As parents, it’s important to reflect on how your actions and attitudes toward food may impact your child’s mental health. Are you creating a space where your child feels safe to explore and enjoy food, or are you unintentionally making their relationship with food more complicated?


A Thought-Provoking Question


Could the way we approach our children’s eating habits be unknowingly contributing to their struggles with food, and what steps can we take to ensure they develop a healthy, positive relationship with food that lasts a lifetime?


 

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Rebuilding trust and intimacy after baby’s arrival requires open communication, mutual support, and a shared commitment to reconnecting as partners. With patience and effort, couples can transform the challenges of parenthood into an opportunity for deeper trust and a more intimate relationship.

From Resentment to Reconnection: Rebuilding Trust and Intimacy After Baby’s Arrival

The arrival of a child is one of life’s most joyful milestones, but for many couples, it’s also a time of immense stress and strain. New parents often find themselves overwhelmed by sleepless nights, mounting responsibilities, and shifting roles within the relationship. It's easy for resentment to build up, particularly if one partner feels unsupported or overlooked. But how do you come back from these feelings of bitterness and rebuild a strong, trusting relationship?


Understanding the Roots of Resentment


Resentment doesn’t happen overnight; it builds up when we feel taken for granted, unsupported, or misunderstood. After having a baby, it's common for one partner to feel as though they are carrying a disproportionate amount of the load—whether it’s taking care of the baby, managing household chores, or handling emotional labor. If one partner is shouldering more responsibility than the other, they might feel resentful, particularly if they feel their efforts aren’t acknowledged.


On the other hand, the partner who feels less involved may also feel left out, disconnected, or frustrated. With so many new dynamics at play, resentment is almost inevitable. However, it’s essential to recognize that resentment is not the end of the story. Rather, it’s a signal that something needs attention—specifically, communication, empathy, and understanding.



Open, Honest Communication: The First Step


The foundation for healing begins with open, honest communication. Both partners need to acknowledge the feelings of resentment without judgment. It’s important to give space for each other to express their feelings without interruption or defensiveness. Instead of blaming, focus on how you feel: “I feel overwhelmed when I handle the majority of the nighttime feedings,” rather than “You never help with the baby!” This subtle shift allows for a more productive, less confrontational discussion.


Creating an environment where both partners feel heard is crucial. Emotional vulnerability can be scary, especially if there has been hurt, but it’s through vulnerability that trust can be rebuilt. It’s important to actively listen and validate your partner’s emotions. Sometimes, just knowing that your partner understands your feelings can go a long way in healing resentment.


Rebuilding Trust and Mutual Support


After a baby arrives, the balance in a relationship shifts. What was once a shared partnership in daily life can become a series of individual tasks. Rebuilding trust comes down to actively working together as a team again. This means finding ways to reconnect, both emotionally and physically, and ensure both partners are supporting each other equally.


One way to begin rebuilding trust is to create a shared plan for tackling parenting responsibilities. Whether it’s taking turns for nighttime duties or setting aside regular time for date nights, intentional action can help restore a sense of fairness and shared responsibility. It’s also important to celebrate the small wins together—when one partner steps up, acknowledge it. Recognizing each other's efforts and expressing gratitude helps rebuild connection and trust.


Self-Care: Caring for You, Together


Self-care often takes a backseat when you have a baby, but it’s vital to carve out time for both partners. When parents are able to take care of their individual needs—whether through physical exercise, emotional support, or personal time—it becomes easier to show up for each other in the relationship. Encourage each other to take breaks, seek outside support, and prioritize your well-being. A healthy individual can contribute more to a healthy relationship.


While self-care is important, it’s also essential to reconnect as a couple. Marriage or partnerships often lose their romantic spark after having children. But it’s crucial to continue nurturing your bond through small gestures of affection, kindness, and quality time. Simple acts like a hug, a compliment, or a moment of shared laughter can remind you both why you fell in love in the first place.


Forgiveness: Letting Go of Past Grudges


Lastly, letting go of resentment requires forgiveness—both for yourself and for your partner. Forgiveness isn’t just about forgetting the past; it’s about releasing the hold it has on your present and future. By holding on to resentment, you are holding back the potential for growth and connection in your relationship. Both partners need to make a conscious decision to forgive, learn from the experience, and move forward.


Moving Forward Together


Rebuilding a relationship after resentment can feel daunting, but it’s possible with time, patience, and mutual commitment. The key lies in acknowledging each other's feelings, setting aside the blame, and finding new ways to connect and support each other. Having a child doesn’t need to tear you apart—it can, in fact, be an opportunity to build a deeper, more resilient partnership.


Are you ready to let go of resentment and rediscover trust in your relationship?


 

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Transitions like college can feel like a total whirlwind. You’re not just leaving home - you’re dealing with tougher classes, new friends, plus figuring out what you actually want to do with your life. It’s easy to feel lost or overwhelmed, but here’s the thing: all these changes can actually be opportunities to learn about yourself and figure out how to thrive on your own terms.

Thriving Through Transitions: Strategies for Navigating Change in College, Work, and Beyond

It’s completely normal to feel unsure when everything around you is changing. A new schedule, a new environment, new responsibilities - it can feel like you’re walking on shaky ground. The trick is to recognize that this anxiety is normal and can even be a sign you’re growing. Instead of trying to ignore these uncomfortable feelings, embrace and acknowledge them as proof that you’re stepping into a new phase of life. Growth is rarely smooth, but it’s always worth it.


Journaling: Mapping Your Inner Landscape


One of the easiest ways to handle all the ups and downs is to start journaling. Writing down your thoughts helps you see what’s going on in your head and figure out what really matters. If you’re not sure how to begin, try one of these approaches:


● Free Writing: Set a timer for 10 minutes and just write without stopping. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar; let your thoughts flow onto the page. You might be surprised what comes up when you don’t censor yourself.


● Gratitude Journaling: Every night, list three things you’re grateful for. This helps you focus on the positives, no matter how small.


● Prompt-Based Journaling: If you need more guidance, pick a specific question like, “What’s the hardest transition I’m dealing with right now?” or “What kind of support do I need to feel more grounded?”


Spending just a few minutes every day journaling can give you a clearer picture of your inner world and help you find practical ways to feel more in control.


Therapeutic Techniques for Transition


Therapy isn’t just a last-ditch effort when you’re in crisis - it can be a really proactive way to tackle life’s curveballs. Most colleges offer counseling services, so if you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider stopping by. Here are a few therapeutic approaches that work well in times of change:


● Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT helps you spot and rework negative thought patterns, so instead of spiraling into worst-case scenarios, you learn to keep things in perspective.


● Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT): This blends CBT with mindfulness. You focus on being present, which can seriously help lower anxiety about the future.


● Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): ACT encourages you to acknowledge and accept your feelings rather than fighting them, then commit to actions aligned with what really matters to you.


Even if formal therapy feels like too big a step, you can still use concepts from these methods on your own. Books, apps, and online tools offer a ton of free or low-cost resources to get started.


Finding Anchors in Mindfulness and Meditation


When everything feels like it’s moving at a million miles an hour, mindfulness and meditation can be the pause button you desperately need. Setting aside even a few minutes each day to focus on your breathing or use a guided meditation app can work wonders in reducing stress and building emotional resilience. Plus, you can do it just about anywhere - your dorm room, the library, or even outside under a tree if the weather’s nice.


Broadening Your Perspective: A Universal Transition Toolkit


It’s not just college life that can throw you for a loop. The truth is, these same feelings of uncertainty, excitement, and anxiety pop up during any major shift, whether it’s starting a new job, moving to a new city, or taking on a big project. Think about it: you’re suddenly dealing with new environments, new people, and a bunch of unknowns. The good news is, the strategies we’ve talked about - journaling, therapy, mindfulness, and creating a personal mental health toolkit - apply just as much to these bigger life events. By learning to embrace uncertainty and focus on your well-being right now, you’re basically building a skill set that’ll help you confidently navigate any transition life throws your way.


Building Your Personal Mental Health Toolkit


There’s no one-size-fits-all fix for navigating big transitions. You might find that journaling and a quick meditation break every morning works for you, while someone else might lean more on therapy and regular check-ins with friends. The key is to keep experimenting. Try out different techniques, see what resonates, and don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals when you need more support. Over time, you’ll create a personalized strategy that helps you handle change with more confidence and calm.


Final Thoughts


It’s totally normal to feel lost during life’s big transitions - just ask any college student. But remember, these moments of uncertainty are also moments of opportunity. By acknowledging the stress, trying out journaling or therapy, and making space for mindfulness, you can transform what feels like chaos into a period of genuine growth and self-discovery.


So maybe today, try writing down your thoughts for five minutes, or think about booking a counseling appointment. Even something as simple as taking a deep, mindful breath can help anchor you. In the end, each small step you take to care for your mental health adds up, guiding you toward a place where you feel more at home in your own life.

 
Carlie Malott

Carlie Malott

Crisis Counselor | Guest Writer of Moody Melon Magazine

I’m a junior at Colorado College studying Psychology and Education. Passionate about mental health, I believe normalizing conversations about struggles fosters belonging and hope—values I strive to integrate into all my work.


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