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How to Help Someone Who's Struggling: Supporting a Friend Through Depression and Overwhelm

Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-TrainingJulie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
9 hours ago

Supporting a friend through depression requires patience, empathy, and understanding, as they navigate their personal challenges. By offering a non-judgmental space and encouraging professional help, you can be a crucial source of comfort and stability during their difficult journey.

How to Help Someone Who's Struggling: Supporting a Friend Through Depression and Overwhelm

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to feel like we’re all juggling a million things at once—work, relationships, personal goals, and the never-ending pursuit of success. But for some people, this overwhelming load isn’t just a passing feeling; it’s a constant weight on their shoulders. Depression and stress can make even the most basic tasks seem impossible. As a friend or loved one, you may notice these signs of struggle, but knowing how to offer support can feel challenging.


Recognizing the Signs


Depression isn’t just about feeling “down” or sad. It can manifest in many different ways, and sometimes, it’s not immediately visible. Someone who is overwhelmed by life may appear distant, tired, or emotionally numb. They might struggle to get out of bed, cancel plans frequently, or seem uninterested in things they once enjoyed. It’s important to be aware of subtle shifts in behavior and emotional expression. Here are some common signs of depression and overwhelm to look out for:


  • Withdrawal from social activities or relationships

  • Extreme fatigue or difficulty concentrating

  • Apathy or lack of interest in things they once enjoyed

  • Constant feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or hopelessness

  • Physical symptoms like headaches or changes in appetite or sleep patterns


Creating a Safe Space for Them


If you recognize these signs in a friend or loved one, one of the most important things you can do is create a safe space for them to open up. Often, people with depression and overwhelming stress feel isolated, as if no one truly understands what they’re going through. Simply listening without judgment can have a profound impact.


Ask them how they’re doing in a gentle, non-intrusive way, and give them the space to talk at their own pace. Try to avoid offering unsolicited advice or attempting to “fix” their problems right away. Sometimes, the best way to help is by being a calm and present listener.



Offer Practical Help


While emotional support is essential, practical assistance can also make a world of difference. When someone is feeling overwhelmed, even everyday tasks can feel impossible. Offering to help with things like household chores, running errands, or preparing meals can alleviate some of the burdens they’re carrying. Small, thoughtful gestures—like offering to take them to a therapy appointment or sending them a comforting text—show them that they’re not alone.


However, it’s crucial to respect their boundaries. Don’t push them into accepting help if they aren’t ready, but let them know you’re there when they need it.



Encourage Professional Support


While your support as a friend is invaluable, it’s also important to recognize that professional help is often necessary for someone struggling with depression. Encourage them to speak with a therapist or counselor, and offer to help them find resources or make an appointment. Therapy can provide a safe, nonjudgmental space for them to explore their feelings and develop strategies to cope with their challenges.


If they resist seeking professional help, let them know it’s okay to take small steps. Sometimes, the thought of seeing a therapist can be intimidating, but even a single phone call or consultation can be a huge first step toward healing.


Be Patient and Compassionate


Supporting someone through depression and overwhelm is not a quick fix. Healing takes time, and the road can be long and difficult. It’s important to be patient and recognize that their emotional state won’t change overnight. Celebrate small victories along the way, like a good conversation or a moment where they laugh or show interest in something.


Compassion is key. Instead of focusing on what they “should” be doing or how they “should” be feeling, remind them that it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Reassure them that they are worthy of love, care, and support, even during their most difficult moments.


Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself


Supporting someone with depression and overwhelm can be emotionally draining. It’s important to take care of your own mental health, too. Set healthy boundaries and find time for self-care. If you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek support for yourself, whether that’s through therapy, friends, or other coping mechanisms.


Being there for someone who is struggling doesn’t mean you have to carry their burden alone. It’s okay to lean on others and find ways to recharge so you can continue offering support.


The Bottom Line


When someone we care about is struggling with depression or feeling overwhelmed, it’s easy to feel helpless. But the truth is, your support can make all the difference. Sometimes, all someone needs is to feel seen, heard, and loved. You don’t have to have all the answers—just your presence, patience, and empathy can be a powerful balm for their pain.


So, how can you be a source of light for someone in the darkest times of their life?


 

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Survivor's Guilt: Navigating the Emotional Storm After Loss

Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-TrainingJulie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
3 days ago

Survivor's guilt can leave you questioning why you survived when others didn’t, creating a heavy emotional burden that’s hard to shake. Acknowledging these feelings and seeking support is the first step toward healing and finding peace.

Survivor's Guilt: Navigating the Emotional Storm After Loss

Losing someone you love is a devastating experience. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or partner, the pain of their absence can feel insurmountable. But for some, the emotional weight doesn’t end with grief; it’s compounded by a deep, overwhelming sense of survivor's guilt. Survivor’s guilt is the feeling that you didn’t deserve to live while someone you loved and cherished is no longer here. It’s a complex emotional struggle that can feel like you’re carrying a burden that’s hard to explain or even comprehend.



What Is Survivor’s Guilt?


Survivor’s guilt often arises when someone feels responsible for surviving an event—whether a traumatic incident, accident, illness, or even a natural death—while others didn’t. It’s common in people who have lost someone suddenly or unexpectedly. The guilt manifests in questions like, Why am I still here? or What could I have done differently? It’s a struggle that many don’t talk about, leaving the person feeling isolated and misunderstood.


When dealing with the emotions that come with survivor’s guilt, it’s important to recognize that the feeling of guilt doesn’t reflect reality. It’s a common reaction to loss, but it can be an unhelpful and unhealthy one. The key to overcoming this is self-compassion and understanding that the loss you’ve experienced wasn’t your fault.


The Many Faces of Survivor's Guilt


Survivor’s guilt doesn’t always appear as one straightforward emotion. In fact, it can take many forms:


  • Regret: You may have wished for more time with the person who passed, or regret that you weren’t able to do more to help or support them.

  • Self-blame: You might blame yourself for things you could have done differently, like being in a different place at the wrong time or missing an important conversation.

  • Anger: You may feel anger towards yourself for surviving or feel resentment toward the person who has passed, wondering why they didn’t get the chance to continue living.

  • Depression: Guilt can deepen into a sadness or emotional numbness. The struggle to accept that you’re still alive can lead to withdrawal, isolation, and even self-destructive tendencies.


Acknowledging and Processing Your Emotions


One of the most important steps in managing survivor’s guilt is acknowledging your emotions. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions after a loss, and those feelings need space to be fully expressed.


1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve


Grief is personal and comes in many forms. Don’t rush through it. Give yourself the time and space to mourn, and remember that grief doesn’t have a timeline. It can be helpful to express your emotions in ways that feel natural to you—writing in a journal, talking to a friend, or even engaging in creative activities like art or music.


2. Seek Support


When you’re caught in the cycle of survivor’s guilt, it’s easy to feel alone, but reaching out for support is crucial. Connecting with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings is often one of the most helpful steps you can take. Support groups, whether online or in person, can also offer validation and the opportunity to speak with others who are experiencing similar challenges.


3. Challenge Your Thoughts


It’s vital to question the thoughts and beliefs that fuel your guilt. Understand that you are not responsible for another person’s life or death. It may seem counterintuitive, but reflecting on the reality of the situation—what was out of your control—can help shift the weight of guilt. Use affirmations like, I did the best I could in that situation, or I am worthy of healing and happiness.


4. Honor the Memory of the Loved One


Survivor’s guilt often comes from a desire to honor the memory of the person who’s gone. Channel this desire in a positive way by finding ways to remember and celebrate their life—whether through a ritual, a charitable act, or simply sharing stories with others who loved them. Living in honor of them can be a powerful way to move forward and ease the burden of guilt.


Finding Meaning in the Pain


Though survivor’s guilt is a painful emotion, it also offers an opportunity for personal growth. Working through it can lead to greater empathy, a deeper appreciation for life, and a stronger connection to the people around you. By processing your emotions and finding ways to heal, you’re not just surviving—you’re thriving despite the pain.


Survivor’s guilt doesn’t have to define your experience with loss. While it’s part of the journey, it’s also possible to find a path to peace and healing. By opening up about your feelings, challenging guilt-driven thoughts, and surrounding yourself with support, you can work through survivor’s guilt and ultimately emerge stronger.


Are you ready to let go of the guilt and embrace your healing? What steps are you taking today to honor your journey?


 

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The Silent Distance: How to Support Your Surviving Parent Through Grief When They Push You Away

Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-TrainingJulie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
Mar 17

Supporting your surviving parent through grief involves acknowledging their need for space while offering gentle check-ins and practical help. By providing emotional presence without pushing for conversation, you can create a safe environment for them to process their loss at their own pace.

The Silent Distance: How to Support Your Surviving Parent Through Grief When They Push You Away

Losing a partner is one of the most painful experiences anyone can go through, especially for elderly individuals who have spent decades together. When a parent faces the death of their spouse, it’s not just a loss of a companion—it’s a loss of a shared history, a daily routine, and a deep sense of partnership that many people rely on for comfort and stability. As children, it can be heart-wrenching to watch our surviving parent retreat into themselves, pulling away when we want to reach out and offer our support. But understanding the complexities of grief and how it shapes their emotional landscape can help us better navigate the distance they may create during their mourning process.


Understanding the Withdrawal


When a surviving parent creates distance after the death of their partner, it’s easy to take it personally. You may feel rejected or helpless, but it’s important to recognize that this behavior is often a natural part of the grieving process. For many elderly individuals, losing a spouse means facing the painful reality of their own mortality and a deep sense of loneliness. It can bring up feelings of vulnerability and a need to withdraw, whether to protect themselves from more hurt or simply because they are struggling to process such a monumental loss.


Additionally, older adults may be used to managing their grief quietly, without burdening others. They might feel that their sorrow is something they need to handle alone, especially if they’ve spent many years living with the intimacy of their partner. The space they create isn't always about rejecting love or care—it’s about coping in a way that feels safer for them at the time.


How to Support Without Pushing Too Hard


  1. Acknowledge Their Need for Space: While it can be tough to witness, one of the first steps in supporting your grieving parent is acknowledging that they need space. The withdrawal doesn’t mean they don't appreciate your care—it simply means they need time to process their emotions privately. Let them know you are there, but respect their need for solitude, even if it feels painful for you.


  2. Offer Gentle Check-Ins: Even though your parent might be pulling away, it’s still important to check in with them regularly. Offer gentle reminders that you’re available to listen when they’re ready to talk. Sometimes, this could mean a simple phone call or a short visit to ensure they know they are not alone, without forcing them to engage emotionally before they’re ready.


  3. Don’t Force Conversations About Grief: Grief is deeply personal, and it’s possible your parent may not want to talk about their loss right away. Respect their silence and avoid pressing them to open up. Instead, be there with small gestures—an invitation to dinner, sharing a quiet activity, or providing reassurance that they are loved. Let them take the lead when they’re ready to discuss their feelings.


  4. Offer Practical Help: In times of grief, the simple tasks of daily life can feel overwhelming. While emotional support is important, practical help can be equally valuable. Offer to assist with errands, meals, or managing household tasks. These acts of service can show your parent that you are thinking of their well-being, even if they aren't emotionally ready to engage fully.


  5. Understand the Power of Nonverbal Support: Sometimes, simply being present can mean more than words ever could. Sitting quietly together, watching TV, or engaging in a calming activity like reading or doing a puzzle can offer the comfort of companionship without forcing the conversation. It’s the emotional closeness that counts, not necessarily the words exchanged.


Recognize Their Grief Isn’t Linear


It’s important to remember that grief doesn’t follow a predictable path. Your parent may seem distant at times and then unexpectedly open up. This back-and-forth can be confusing and emotionally taxing, but it’s part of the ebb and flow of the grieving process. Be patient and let them move through their emotions at their own pace.


Seek Outside Support When Needed


If the distance becomes prolonged and you notice signs of deeper depression or isolation, it may be helpful to encourage your parent to speak with a counselor or therapist who specializes in grief. Sometimes, elderly individuals may need professional support to help them navigate their emotions in a healthy way. You can suggest therapy as a supportive option without pushing it too forcefully, understanding that they may need time to accept this option.


An Eye-Opening Question:


How can we, as children, support our surviving parent through the complexities of their grief while also respecting their need for space and autonomy?


 

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